Bah-Hum-Bug

For many of us Sunday is usually held as a day of rest, as we are to use this day to honor and worship Jesus Christ. And today being Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ, it seems that we should want take a double dose of rest today. However, most of us will be spending the day with family. And as we know, dealing with family is far from restful. So at the end of this, which should be the ultimate day of rest, we may instead, find that we are far more exhausted and stressed than we are after a normal day of work. To quote my good friend Sarah, "I couldn't image Christmas without alcohol."

Cheney visits Iraq, attacks kill 19

This was a headline I saw today. It gave me this great mental picture of Dick Chaney going to Iraq and then going bizerk and destroying everything he sees in a Godzilla-type rampage. That's fun to think about, a lot more fun than the real story.

Mega-Quake hits downtown Fort Worth

Last night I visited a local tavern, and partook of some delicious beverages. As often happens when drinking beverages I eventually felt the need to relieve myself. I walked into the bathroom, which appeared to completely empty, and approached the faculties and began to expel any and all unwanted fluids. Just the a huge, thunderous sound erupted from behind me. As it reverberated of the tile walls the sound was so great (surely it would have scared the piss out of me had I not already begun that process), that I jumped back, and in the process soiling the wall, the floor, and a little bit of my shoe. As it turns out I wasn’t alone in the restroom. There was a man, and I can only assume he was a large man, sitting in the stall directly behind me, that I had failed to notice as I walked in. The sound in question, was in fact a fart. Quite possibly the biggest fart ever in Fort Worth, which would place it high in the running for biggest fart world wide. This spine-tingling expulsion of un-holy-ness (and I mean spine-tingling literally because the bass from the blast was enough to cause my vertebrae to vibrate), must have, no doubt registered at least a moderate rating on the Richter Scale. It was truly one of the most frightening sounds I have ever encountered, and I quickly left, because I did not want to discover what sort of odor occupancies a quake of that magnitude.

Can You Hear Me Now?

More and more we hear of studies that show using a cell phone behind the wheel is dangerous. It is said that the use of a cell phone distracts the driver and he/she is more likely to have an accident. Several cities have banned the use of cell phones will driving, and some only allow hands-free cell phones. However, every study I have seen on the subject is bias against using cell phones while driving, (on in other words, they want to prove that cell phones are dangerous), and thus their results are contaminated.

Almost everyone uses a cell phone while driving. Not all the time, but every now and then. And of course some do use it all the time. But is it really as unsafe as people would have you believe?
If cell phones cause wrecks because they are distracting, then let’s look at other things (that actually cause more accidents) that are also distracting.

1) Eating
2) Doing makeup.
3) Reading a map.
4) DWI/DUI.
5) Messing with the radio/CD player/tape deck.
(this is the number 1 cause of all accidents, even more than driving drunk)
6) Messing with kids in the back seat.
7) And then cell phone use.

I’m sure there are many more reasons, such as using a laptop, changing clothes, receiving fallatio, or having a plane land on you, but these are the main ones.

In theory, cell phones are distracting because you are talking to someone and not paying attention to the road. But if they are going to ban cell phones, shouldn’t they ban passengers as well. And especially kids, they are a huge distraction and should never be allowed in cars. But obviously that doesn’t make sense. Likewise, radios, CD players, iPods, etc, are, by far, the most common recent for wrecks, yet there is not legislature being purposed to ban those.

Now let’s look at another side of it. We need to talk on cell phones while we drive. Just as much as we need to listen to the radio while driving. And when I say we need to, I mean it is a part of human nature. When you watch TV what else are you going? Eating? Reading? Using the computer (I’m watching TV right now)? Perhaps talking on a cell phone? How may high school kids listen to the radio while doing homework? How many people doodle while talking on the phone? How many people read the paper with breakfast?

Most people’s brains are too active, and can not simply concentrate on one thing. The same holds true while we are driving. I got into a small fender bender several months ago at a traffic light. I wasn’t on the cell phone, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t messing with the radio, and I sure as hell wasn’t doing my makeup. I wasn’t doing anything. And yet I was so distracted that I let off the brake and rolled in to the car in front of me. Less than a week later a woman did the same thing to me in a Wendy’s drive thru. She wasn’t on her cell, wasn’t listening to the radio, wasn’t looking for lose change. Nothing. She couldn’t explain what happened.

Doesn’t feel strange to be in a car, by yourself, with no radio on? Doesn’t the lack of mental stimulation quickly get bothersome? It is a necessary part of our mental makeup that we must preoccupy our brains as completely as possible. Therefore, cell phone use is a good thing, and should not be banned. At least not until a more complete study comes along. One that’s non-bias.

Things that are Useless

1) Christmas lights - This is a good one to start this list with given the time of year. Personally, I have grown to detest Christmas lights. They serve little purpose and are a pain in the ass to put up. Recently, a couple of elderly women at my church asked for me and some of the youth to come by their houses and help hang lights (I like how they use the word "help", as if they're going to do anything). In exchange they would make a donation to the youth group, so we agreed. When we got to the first house we were lead into the garage to the pile of lights. And I do mean pile. I tried to lift one strand and the entire blob of a 1000+ bulbs lifted up underneath my hand. To make it worse these were the kind that are suppose to look like ice-cycles, with the stand of lights that hang down every six inches or so. I then spent the next 30 minutes unraveling the chaos. At the next house, we found the same blob of lights waiting for us in her garage as well, only about half as much. If I didn't know better I would have thought this was the younger brother of the previous monstrosity. We were then directed to the ladder, which looked as if were the grandfather of many younger ladders. It was an old, wooden, cranky, shaky, thing, and judging by it's looks, it may have even seen time in during the Second World War. The entire afternoon, stretching into the evening, was a complete mess, which adds to my distaste of Christmas lights.

2) Fireworks - This is even more useless than Christmas lights. I personally don't understand people's fascination with this. I have always, even when I was a kid found fireworks to be boring. However, it is completely different if I am setting the fireworks off myself. Blowing up stuff is cool, watching someone else blow stuff up a hundred feet in the air, not cool.

3) Pat Robertson - See my archive on this guy.

4) Happy Holidays - I don't mean the actual phrase is useless, but rather the debate that seems to be going on that people are opting to use this term, as well as Season's Greetings rather than saying Merry Christmas. The debate, as I understand it, is that some Christians seem to be offended that these terms are being used instead of Merry Christmas. As if there is a conspiracy to hide the fact that this holiday is all about Jesus. Of course this is absurd. In reality Happy Holidays means the exact same thing as Merry Christmas, unless of course, you're Jewish, then it means the same as Happy Hanukah. Happy Holidays is great because it is inclusive of anyone regardless of which holiday is being celebrated. Bill O'Reilly has been adamantly against the use of any phrase other than Merry Christmas, saying he finds it grossly offensive. And Bill O'Reilly is an idiot. The fact of the matter is, that the term Merry Christmas, has the potential to be more offensive, if it is said to someone who isn't Christian. But in reality, none of these phrases should be offensive to anyone, because what is important is the meaning behind the words. It is a greeting, and a blessing that is being said, and it's always nice to be blessed. So when someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukah, or a Jolly Quanza, or a Joyous Atheist Gift Exchange, or whatever else; remember, it's the thought that counts.

Obviously, Money Does Not Equal Value

King Kong will no doubt lead the box offices this weekend. And with the money spent on it, it really should. Kong cost 207 million dollars to produce ranking it 5th among the most expensive movies all time. But I wonder how it will compare in terms of movie-goer value with the other high-priced refuse. Here’s a look at the list:

Titanic - 1997 (247 mill): The actual Titanic took only 2 hours and 40 minutes to sink, the movie Titanic, took over 3 yawn-filled hours to sink.

Waterworld - 1995 (229 mill): This movie was not as bad as everyone says. And it’s actually an interesting premise, but it’s still wasn’t worth the 229 million it took to make this film, or the $6 it cost to see it.

Terminator 3 - 2003 (216 mill): Schwarzenegger, better at acting or governing?

Spider-Man 2 - 2004 (210 mill): I honestly can’t remember if I saw this or not. I’m pretty sure I did, but I can’t remember a single thing about it. Guess the movie made an impression.

Wild Wild West - 1999 (203.8 mill): This was a very enjoyable movie, if you don’t mind poorly written dialogue. Really this is a pretty forgettable movie as well, I can’t believe it cost that much.

Speed 2: Cruise Control - 1997 (198.8 mill): The title should be an indication of the quality of this movie. It’s really just bad. What a waste of money. And Sandra Bullock is one of the most overrated actresses ever.

Cleopatra (1963) is listed as the most expensive movie ever made (286.4 mill), if you translate the budget into what it would have cost to produce that today. But I refuse to do that. Mainly because Cleopatra, starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, doesn’t deserve to be ranked among these other titles. Well, I suppose you could rank it with Titanic, but not any of the others.

Cyclop-Churches

There is an article today that reports that several mega-churches have decided to close for Christmas. There thought is that many of there members wouldn’t show up because Christmas is such a busy day, with the presents and the family, and the food, etc, etc. Instead, these churches have decided to have various worship services in the week leading up to Christmas, and really celebrating the holiday on Christmas Eve. In general I like the institution of the se mega-churches, however, I feel that sometimes they miss the larger point.

"If our target and our mission is to reach the unchurched, basically the people who don't go to church, how likely is it that they'll be going to church on Christmas morning?" -- Cally Parkinson, a spokeswoman for Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Ill.
I can see where it would be easy to assume that people wouldn’t come on Christmas. Usually Christmas has the second worst attendance of the year after Easter. Like I said, Sometimes they tend to miss the larger point.

A mega-church is defined has averaging more than 2000 attendees for weekly services. In the United States there are a number of churches that get up to 10,000 people in every week. The largest church in the world is Yoido Full Gospel Church in Seoul, South Korea, which has nearly 1 million members.

I like to call these mega-churches, “Cyclop-churches” because they are gigantic and seem to have only one vision. The benefits of mega-churches are pretty clear to see. Because they have more money and can afford a better staff, and put more money into there production quality, the worship services very, very good. I attended a mega church once, and the service felt more like a rock concert, with a sermon squeezed in the middle. It was also one of the best sermons I had ever heard. Thus, because they have more money, they can have better preachers, better music, and more services, providing a variety, so that there are different services for different people. It’s very easy to become just another face in the crowd at one of these places, and get spiritually feed at the same time. And this is what many people want.

However, it seems to me that Cyclop-churches tend to have one goal -- more people (and by default, more money). It may seem like that should be the primary goal of any church; getting more attendees is equivalent to spreading the word of God. Spreading the word of God isn’t about getting more people to church, it’s about spreading God’s love. If more people show up to church as a result, then great. But, a churches primary responsibility should be to help out the community, not to cater to it’s own congregation, because that should be secondary.

So, for some people, who like to get involved, and like to help people, sometimes these bigger churches are not the way to go. The smaller churches tend to be more willing to lend a helping hand. There are definitely benefits to both, but I prefer the smaller churches, which realize the importance of Christmas.