Sunday, October 30, 2005

Coach Obvious takes a back seat to Angry Mom

“Boy! I don’t cur that you scored two touchdowns. That don’t matter if you cain’t tackle! You gots ta tackle. If you ain’t gonna play I’ll pull yo ass out right now. I sit ya on the damn bench my own self. Now whatch you gonna do? You gonna play? You betta, if you know whats good for you. You need to knock them out, you need to start hittin!" -- Angry Mom, yelling at her son after he ran 50+ yards for a touchdown.

“Hey! Ya’ll get over here! Listen to her!” -- Coach Obvious, after realizing that this angry large black woman could motivate (with fear) the team better than he could. At the time the other team’s running back had just completed an 80 yard run for his 5th touchdown of the day, which tied up the game in the fourth quarter.

“You know what ya’lls problem is? You lazy! Every last one of yous. Lazy and don’t what to hit nobody, and don’t want to tackle. Ya’ll need to get out there and hit they asses. Number 2 ain’t no good, but ya’ll letting him run all over you! Why be letting him score all the time? Cause you afraid! ‘Fraid of getting hurt! Na. You gots ta quit being lazy. Say, I’ll tell you what. I got five dollas here for anyone who can knock number 2 out. Five dollas if you knock number 2 out. PUT HIM ON HIS BACK! Don’t let him get up. YOU KNOCK HIM OUT, AND IF HE GETS UP YOU KNOCK HIM OUT AGAIN!!! I got five dollas.” -- Angry Mom (yelled the entire thing, but she really screamed the last part). And surprisingly, this worked, number 2 wasn’t knocked out, but they did keep him from scoring again, and they ended up winning.

Quote of the Day

"I'm going ot take this pumpkin home and cut it open real big and stick my feet in it!" -- An 8 year old boy at my church's Halloween party.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Now let's be 'intellegent' about this

An essay, by Kyle Ray

With all this recent talk about intelligent design, maybe it's time I voice my opinion on the subject. I like it. I think Intelligent design is a really intelligent idea. Think about it, it makes so much sense, and it's something that can potentially be embraced by both Darwinist and Creationist. Basically the theory is that the world is so complex that it couldn't have happened by coincidence, there must have been some sort of higher being who started all this. After that, you can believe whatever you want. But, let clarify one point here: INTELLEGENT DESIGN IS NOT SCIENCE.

There is nothing scientific about it. There is nothing to test, nothing to prove, you can't even really call it a hypothesis, because that's an educated guess, and there are no previous facts to support an educated guess. At best it is only a theory.

But, there have been many good theories over the centuries. And by that I mean philosophical theories, religious as well as secular. The Buddhist idea of karma, the Hindu idea of reincarnation, the Jewish idea of salvation through works, or even Socrates' ideas about democracy; all of these have been widely accepted by millions and millions over the years. But, I think it goes with out saying that not one of these should be taught in a science class, none of these theories are formed by using the scientific principles. These theories are formed through critical thinking and reasoning. Of course science involves critical thinking and reasoning too, but the difference is, science can be tested.

With that said, I support the idea of Intelligent Design being taught in schools. However, for previously stated reasons, it should not be taught in a science class. But, it is worth teaching. Not only is Intelligent Design worth teaching, but so are the many other great philosophical ideas that have come before us.

It seems to me, that States should offer philosophy courses in high schools (and maybe somewhere this is happening but, I don’t know of where). When I was a sophomore in college I took Introduction to Philosophy. The class changed me profoundly. I learned and developed new skills that ultimately made me a better student. I learned how to approach situations with logic, I learned how to support my arguments with practical reasoning, as well, I was challenged to think more critically about things I had never taken the time to even consider before. At the end of it I became a better student, and a better person.

Philosophy, we must realize is the root behind, not only religion, but government and science as well. To truly understand what a government is and should be, one must first have an understanding to the various philosophies behind government. And to appreciate science, and our desire and curiosity to control, manipulate and understand our universe, we must realize that the birth of science came from philosophical concepts. Science came from people trying to answer riddles that that seemed unsolvable.

Though religion can be closely tied to philosophy, it shouldn’t raise a problem in the issue of separation of church and state as prescribed in the constitution. Obviously, religion will be discussed and debated in a philosophy course, but the curriculum would not favor any religion over another. Rather it would provide an overview of beliefs of many different cultures. If designed properly, the only way an issue could arise would be in the case of a teacher who strayed from the curriculum too far, and encourage her own beliefs rather than remaining non-bias. But this sort of problem can arise in any class at any time. I remember my 10th grade biology teacher, Mrs. Maclin, “This isn’t true, but I have to teach it anyways,” she said as a disclaimer before starting her section over evolution (which only lasted two days, and was done very half-assed). According to the law, she was not allowed to state her personal beliefs on the subject, but she certainly didn’t get in trouble for it. I can only assume that this sort of thing happens far to often in our public schools. But if the curriculum is devised correctly, and followed properly, the class would provide many positive results.

The average 10th grader is impressionable, inquisitive, and is at an age where they start to ask questions about deeper things which they do not yet understand. In a more conservative atmosphere, these questions could be stifled, and frowned upon. Many still raise their children with an attitude of “just because,” or “if the bible says it, it must be true.” And yet, other youth, when asking these questions in a more ignorant atmosphere, may not find any answer for their questions. Therefore it is necessary to provide an outlet for these questions that, rather than provides answers, provides understanding. In end result is that students will benefit greatly, becoming better students, learning more throughout their schooling, as well as throughout their lives. Studies have shown that a more well educated society is a more productive and less violent society.

I’m not suggesting that philosophy course be mandatory, or that they necessarily be in every school, but they should at least be offered. It would solve many problems, and benefit the society all at once.

Friday, October 28, 2005

3.141592654....

This is so good, it's worth passing on. It may take a while to load, but wait for it. You won't be disappointed.

Pi

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tim McCarver, you're an idiot.

"That's a good call, one of the best we've seen this series." -- Announcer Tim McCarver on the 'foul ball' call of the left field umpire, on a ball that landed about two feet foul.

Tim McCarver, you're an idiot.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Coach Obvious


I do a bit of photography, mainly sports photography, mainly youth sports. And this time of year, I shoot a lot of pee-wee football. I have come to realize that youth sports are full of bad coaching, and it’s even more prevalent in football. Part of that, is that football coaches tend to get angry much easier (I‘m not sure why this is), and as a result they yell a lot more. Of course when people get angry they tend not to think as clearly or articulate themselves as well. The result is a bunch of coaches yelling incredibly obvious advice to their players, because they are too red-face-angry (over a kids football game) to think clearly enough to give the kids any useful information. So I’ve complied a list of some of the things yelled (often at the top of their lungs), that should be blatantly obvious to any football player or fan.

“Tackle that guy!”


“Offensive line! You have to block!”

“Don’t throw the ball to nobody!”

“No you can’t go to the bathroom!”

“Get up! You’re not hurt!”
-- The kid could be on the ground screaming, and this would be the coach's first response.

“Go! Run!”

“Don’t fumble the football!”

“You have got to hold on to the ball!”

“Don’t fall down when you get the ball!”

“Play Football!!!”


-- Thanks Coach Obvious, for your insight and inspiration.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Man requests longer prison sentence to match Bird's jersey number

October 20, 2005

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) -- A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to -- all because of Larry Bird.
The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.
``He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey,'' Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. ``We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.
``I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it.''


Have we become too obsessed with professional sports? If I ever go to jail, I'm going to ask for a sentance of 1 year, in honor of Ozzie Smith.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Projectile Lactation

I recently visited a vegan restaurant in my home town of Fort Worth. I should point out that I am not vegan, nor do I have any interest in becoming one. The fact is I love chicken, in all it’s forms…. Well maybe not in bird-flu-form. Anyways, at a vegan restaurant I realize that I am going to see some of that new world/bohemian type of atmosphere, but I figured it would be in the form of excessive tattoos and body piercing, which our waitress did not let me down in that aspect. As I am eating my tofu, meatball sandwich (which was one of the best meatball sandwiches I have ever had), the young mother across from my table….. Wait, let me back up. This young family, mother, father, and child came in just after us. The looked like a normal couple in their mid-twenties. I was a little annoyed that they allowed their young daughter to roam around the small restaurant touching whatever her grubbing little hands desired. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone else, and it’s not really affecting me, so whatever.

But I guess all of that running around must have made her thirsty. She ran back to her mother, and without saying a word, just tugging on her mothers "Good-Will quality" dress, she indicated to her mother that she would like something to drink. Her mother, then lifted up her shirt slightly with her left hand, (not exposing anything, but merely pulling the shirt out in a tent like fashion), and with her right hand she reached under her shirt, and started to squeeze. Note, she did not pick up her daughter. Her daughter, standing straight up, tilted her head back and open her mouth, and received the stream of milk from her mother. My meatball sandwich suddenly lost it’s appeal.

What the hell? I can’t imagine any situation when this type of action is appropriate, private or public. This is, after all, a restaurant, where other people are dinning, trying to enjoy their meal. Not to mention, the child is old enough to run, and I’ll admit I am neither a doctor or a mother, but at what point should a child stop breast-feeding? And, I’m not exactly sure what type of sensation is involved here, but it’s my understanding that the breast are extremely sensitive while a mother is nursing, so wouldn’t squeezing them, to project lactate, begin to hurt quite a bit? The whole episode was both disgusting and disturbing.

However, I would go there again. The food, despite the lack of meat, is quite tasty.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Define business casual....


This is making a lot of people unhappy. Who does David Stern think he is to tell the players what they can and can not wear?

The NBA sent a memo to the teams instituting a new dress code for all NBA players. Basically, they must wear suit jackets when at the games an inactive (like when they are injured and not playing), they must wear a wardrobe defined as 'business casual' in all post-game interviews, as well as when they are representing the team or the league in various promotional engagements. Not that they must wear these things, but rather this is the minimum acceptable.

So what is business casual you may ask? The dictionary defines it as "attire that is acceptable for an office but quite casual, varying depending on the type of business and workplace" Well if it can vary on the type of business and the workplace, then what should the definition be as it applies to the NBA? Obviously, the league is trying to encourage their players to be more professional. They, likely also want the player to set an example to those young impressionable minds who might look up to them. Note the picture of Shaq above as an example of how to dress. His attire is appropriate whether attending a basketball game, going into the office, or bitch slapping some ho, cause she ain't paid you for those tricks yet.

I'll admit that dressing like a pimp is much better than dressing like a thug, I still don't know if that's a very good look for the NBA either. I think the larger issue here is the restriction of freedom. Like I said, some teams already have a dress code. So maybe it should be a team decision (or rather an owner/coach decision), rather than the league enforcing it. Players who be less likely to go against it, if they thought it was for the good of the team, or something like that.

Of course not every team would implement the changes. Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is adamantly oppose to the new dress code, probably because he think he may have to start dressing up for games as well. Cuban usually wears jeans and a jersey to almost all of the games, and truly hate the idea of dressing up. Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson are also against the new dress code. Duncan wore a suit to a game once and had the worst game of his life, now he never wears suit, because it may be bad luck; Iverson on the other hand is just a thug.

"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes." -- Marcus Camby, who will make 7.15 million this season, when informed about the new dress code.

Hmmm... Interesting point, I hadn't thought about that. Thank you Marcus.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Why Michael Bamberger sucks ass....

I'm not much of a golf fan I'll have to admit. I enjoy playing occasionally, and I watch every now and then, usually the PGA when I do watch. I will say that I do kick ass at Tiger Wood's Golf on the PS2. But, I rarely watch LPGA, and have little interest in following it. I have also, never heard of anybody named Michael Bamberger, at least not before today.

Apparently, at the end of the day, yesterday at the LPGA Samsung World Championship, Bamberger informed tournament officials that he felt Michelle Wie cheated on a drop she made the day before. The officials reviewed the tape, check it out, and Michelle Wie was disqualified from the tournament. It turned out she did drop the ball closer to the hole, by a matter of inches, and therefore violated the rules.

``I thought about it more and was just uncomfortable that I knew something,'' Bamberger said. ``Integrity is at the heart of the game."

Okay, fine. I don't have a problem with the league disqualifying Wie, if in fact she did cheat, though some discretion could have been used here. But, rules are rules, of course. The problem I have is with Bamberger, or as I like to call him, Bamberger the Rat-Bastard. Any respectable journalist would say that their job is to report the news, not make it. So why then, did 'Rat-Bastard' decided to rat out Wie? He mentioned the Integrity of the game, but what about journalistic integrity? Why did he also wait more than 24 hours to go to the officials, long after it was too late for Wie to make an adjustment to the score card, and keep herself from getting disqualified?

Why? Because Michael Bamberger sucks ass.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Clearly, a democracy is far from perfect...

The people of Iraq are going to vote soon on their new constitution proposal. That, naturally will include all Iraq citizens, even those that are not currently living in Iraq, even those who are being held by the UN on charges of genocide. Saddam Hussein, along with about 10,000 other detainees are going to get to vote on the new constitution with the rest of their country men and women. It's important that all of Iraq citizens get to vote, even the evil ones.

On a side note, the country seems to be extremely divided on the proposed constitution. Regardless of whether or not it gets passed, which I believe it likely will; could an Iraqi civil war be on the horizon? And, if so, is America to blame? Did we start the ball rolling for a civil war? And where are we going to be when it starts?

We must assume that we won't be there forever. It's likely that when a new administration is elected, America will likely scale back it's forces in Iraq. So, in similar fashion to the first Gulf War, we will virtually abandon their country after a promise to fix everything. Probably only enough troops will be left behind to effectively guard the oil production, leaving the rest of the country to fight itself. The Iraqi fighters, on either side, will leave the US troops alone, because it will have it's own war to fight, and will not want the American's involved to affect the outcome. Of course, once one side gains power then they may focus attention to the oil production, but that may be decades down the road, and by then they can have the oil, because the Democrats would have regained control of the country, and extensive research will be, being conducted on alternative fuels.

Clearly, a Democracy is far from perfect.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Mmmmm..... Bennigan's

I went to Bennigan's earlier today, and at some point before the meal arrived I had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunantly, the bathroom had the pungent odor of piss and poop. The bathrooms at this particular Bennigan's is right next to the kitchen. The kitchen gives off the concentrated smell of fried foods. So, there's this place, right between the bathroom, and it's poop smell, and the kitchen, with it's fried food smell, where the air hangs on this over-powering, stomach-wrenching aroma of fried poop. Nothing will kill an appetite faster than the scent of fried poop.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Stupid Crimes

I've added a link on the side bar that goes to Court TV's Stupid Crimes page. In honor of that, I'll tell my own stupid crime story, that I was an accomplice to.

I was at a party on the SMU campus a few years ago. Like any party on a college campus, we were having a fun, loud, drunken good time. My good friend Scott mentioned that he had some bottle rockets in the trunk of his car. Why we told him to get them, I don't know. He brought them in and someone suggest that he light them. "No, you light them," he suggested (we were inside the apartment, not outside). Finally, I came up with the brilliant (drunk) idea that I would flick a lighter and hold it out, and if he should 'accidentally' get the bottle rocket to close, then it would really be nobody's fault. So, I did, and he did, and then the bottle rocket was lit. We watched the long, but not that long, wick start to burn down. After a moment, the hissing of the wick, as it approached the base of the rocket, made us realize that this could pose a potential threat. Scott screamed for everyone to get out of the way, as he ran toward the door with the hissing rocket......

I mentioned that we were loud before, and perhaps some of the other near by apartments may have become annoyed with our loudness, and perhaps they could have called to report our loudness.....

As Scott got to the door he flung the rocket, over-hand baseball style, and it immediately lit up and took off, and whizzed right by the police man's head. The police had, in fact, been summoned, on account of our loudness and just happened to be steps from the porch as Scott let go of the bottle rocket. Timing is everything.

The cop wrote Scott a ticket for possession of illegal fireworks (which he later got the charge dismissed???) and gave us a warning about the loudness. Fortunantly he did not decide to come in and bust half a dozen minors who were drinking. So, all in all, we felt like we got off pretty light.... and therefore, it took us much longer to learn our lesson about drinking and committing stupid crimes.

Phrases I Hate to Hear

"Get er done." - I'll put this one first because I think the reasons for hatred are obvious.

"Cain't" or "Dain't" - As in "I cain't do this" or "I dain't seen that." I assume these 'words' are formed by combining the words can't and ain't (which isn't actually a word either), or didn't and ain't, respectively. This bothers me because the use of these word would instantly force someone to assume that you are just poor white trash (or poor black trash, whatever).

"I done did that already" - Please choose which form of the word you want to use. Either "I did that, or I've done that." But please, don't combine the two.

Exccessive and unnecessary use of the word 'Fuck' - I once heard someone say "Yesterday I fucking went to the fucking mall with my fucking gradnmother." This is just not needed. I can see some situations when the use of the word could be appropriate, as in "I hate the fucking Yankees," but in this case, I think the word 'fucking', is not the best word to describe your grandmother. The use of curse words, besides being offensive, are a sign of ignorance, as in, you aren't able to find a better use of words to more clearly illustrate what you are saying.

"God D***" - This is certainly the most offensive of all cussing. I find it so offensive that I won't even type the whole thing. I have a friend who uses this phrase way too much, and I have to control my urge to slap her and scream at her.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Gods must be Crazy

There have been leaaders in the past who have been accused of being a "puppet leader", meaning there was someone behind the scenes calling all the shots. But who knew that Bush's puppet master was actually God Almighty. Apprently, Bush has said that God told him to invade afghanistan, "God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'." But thats not all God told him: "And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq...' And I did." and also "And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.' And by God I'm gonna do it." This reminds me of the time Jesus told Deion Sanders he didn't have to pay his car repair bill.

But now, I'm confused. According to the Westboro Baptist Church, of Topeka, Kansas, God is punishing American for it's role in the Iraq war, and because America is "gay-friendly." According to the WBC, God is punishing our soliders, with things like suicide bombers, as well as the two recent hurricans, the WTO bombings and the tsunami (which didn't actually hit America, but ok, whatever), mainly because America harbors gays, but also for going to war.

Quotes from their website: "Pray for more dead bodies floating in the fag-semen-rancid waters of New Orleans." and "Pray for more American bodies blown to smithereens by cheap home made Iraqi [bombs]."

So then my question is, what is God's angle here? Is he playing both sides? He tells Bush to go to war, and then turns around and punishes America for it? What's God up to?

However, the Westboro Baptist church may sound crazy, but on there website the claim "George W. Bus is God's curse on America." Ahh... finally something that makes sense.

Actually, I encourage everyone to write these WBC guys and tell them how incredibly wrong they are. Don't send them hate mail or anything like that, but maybe let them know that God doesn't hate fags, he hates, hate crimes. Also, don't let them know who you are, cause these people are fucking crazy.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Things I remember in late night TV from my childhood...

Do you remeber these commercials, I call it the "I learned it by watching you!" commercial. I don't remeber how long ago it came on, I guess it was late 80's or maybe early 90's. It had this guy, obviously the dad, busting into his sons room holding, what I think was a cigar box, or shoe box, or something like that. His son, looking like some punk kid, listening to head phones, laying on the bed, sits there stunned as his father grills him about the marijuana he has found in the box.

"Where did you get this?" he yells, "What are you doing with this? who taught you how to do this?" he says as he gets closer and leans in. The kid finally breaks down, and yells back "You! I learned it by watching you!" End scene.

Even at the age of eight, or how ever old I was when I first saw this, I thoguht this was hilarious. I can't even quite put it into words why I think this is so funny. Maybve it was the expression on the face of the kid, but I think I ust found this so absurd. The entire premise of this commercial, it still makes me laugh.

* * * * *

I also remember this show that came on after the the Late Show With David Letterman, The Late, Late show with Tom Snyder. Also known as the cure for insomnia. I don't remeber much about this show, I just remember it being so God-awful boring that I couldn't make it past the first five minutes. I don't why the hell I stayed up that late anyways.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Top 10 Things I Hate In Baseball:

Top 10 Things I Hate In Baseball:

10. Manny Ramirez's baggy pants.
9. The surplus in homeruns over the last few years.
8. The way teams don't "manufacture runs" anymore.
7. The fact that a players worth is measured primarily by power numbers, and seem to discount other important factors, such as fielding, clutch hitting, etc.*
6. John Hart, Rangers GM.
5. The Fact that the Rangers never make the effort to build a team, rather they are content at staying status quo, and hoping for a miracle.
4. Roger Clemens.
3. Alex Rodriguez, a.k.a. Ass-Rod.
2. Barry Bonds.
1. The Yankees, oh my, how I hate the Yankees.

* Note on #7:
This year's MVP seems like it may go to A-Rod. The other prime candidates that are getting mentioned are David Ortiz, and Manny Ramirez. But what really irks me is that neither Mark Teixeria or Michael Young have been mentioned. Let's consider the factors. Factor in clutch hitting: Young hits .376 with runner in scoring position, Texiera .361, Ortiz .350, and A-Rod .290. Runner in scoring position, two outs: A-Rod .302, Texiera .313, Ortiz .357, and Young... are you ready for this....458. It would seem as though Mike Young gets better, as the pressure gets tougher. And if you didn't know, he is set to win the AL batting championship.

You may have noticed that I didn't mention Manny's stats. That's because I think Manny is a joke to ever be considered as an MVP. The reason being, I think defense counts, and therefore Manny doesn't. And if you disagree, you think he's not a joke, then watch him field, you'll laugh your ass off. Since it's well known that Ortiz is a DH, young is better at short than A-Rod, A-Rod is still an above average fielder; I will only talk of Tex's fielding. Actually, I won't say much, just that, if he doesn't win the gold glove for 1st base, I will be very, very, surprised. He scoops everything... seriously, everything.

Maybe you might want to consider the nice guy factor. Young and Tex, if you don't know are genuiue class-acts. Nice guys all the way. I can't speak much for Ortiz, but seems okay. Manny, well, he's that good of a hitter, and his team tries desperately to trade him every year, what do you think. A-Rod on the other hand, and this is what really pisses me off, Ass-Rod, after being traded to the Yankees, bad mouthed Showalters managerial style, and then, in another interview bad-mouthed every single one of his ex-teammates. Of course after he left the Rangers played twice as good, with virtually the same talent on the team (see #5 on things I hate about baseball).

All things considered, I think David Ortiz should be this years AL MVP. I do hope that Texiera and Young can finish in the top 6 or so, they deserve at least that. If A-Rod wins it, well, that will be just one more thing to make me like baseball even less than I do know. A few years ago, I knew everything there was to know about baseball, literally, everything. But because of the previous ten things (as well as some things that didn't make the list, I have become increasingly less interested in baseball.

Oh well, basketball season is just around the corner..... Go Mavs!!!