Bah-Hum-Bug

For many of us Sunday is usually held as a day of rest, as we are to use this day to honor and worship Jesus Christ. And today being Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ, it seems that we should want take a double dose of rest today. However, most of us will be spending the day with family. And as we know, dealing with family is far from restful. So at the end of this, which should be the ultimate day of rest, we may instead, find that we are far more exhausted and stressed than we are after a normal day of work. To quote my good friend Sarah, "I couldn't image Christmas without alcohol."

Cheney visits Iraq, attacks kill 19

This was a headline I saw today. It gave me this great mental picture of Dick Chaney going to Iraq and then going bizerk and destroying everything he sees in a Godzilla-type rampage. That's fun to think about, a lot more fun than the real story.

Mega-Quake hits downtown Fort Worth

Last night I visited a local tavern, and partook of some delicious beverages. As often happens when drinking beverages I eventually felt the need to relieve myself. I walked into the bathroom, which appeared to completely empty, and approached the faculties and began to expel any and all unwanted fluids. Just the a huge, thunderous sound erupted from behind me. As it reverberated of the tile walls the sound was so great (surely it would have scared the piss out of me had I not already begun that process), that I jumped back, and in the process soiling the wall, the floor, and a little bit of my shoe. As it turns out I wasn’t alone in the restroom. There was a man, and I can only assume he was a large man, sitting in the stall directly behind me, that I had failed to notice as I walked in. The sound in question, was in fact a fart. Quite possibly the biggest fart ever in Fort Worth, which would place it high in the running for biggest fart world wide. This spine-tingling expulsion of un-holy-ness (and I mean spine-tingling literally because the bass from the blast was enough to cause my vertebrae to vibrate), must have, no doubt registered at least a moderate rating on the Richter Scale. It was truly one of the most frightening sounds I have ever encountered, and I quickly left, because I did not want to discover what sort of odor occupancies a quake of that magnitude.

Can You Hear Me Now?

More and more we hear of studies that show using a cell phone behind the wheel is dangerous. It is said that the use of a cell phone distracts the driver and he/she is more likely to have an accident. Several cities have banned the use of cell phones will driving, and some only allow hands-free cell phones. However, every study I have seen on the subject is bias against using cell phones while driving, (on in other words, they want to prove that cell phones are dangerous), and thus their results are contaminated.

Almost everyone uses a cell phone while driving. Not all the time, but every now and then. And of course some do use it all the time. But is it really as unsafe as people would have you believe?
If cell phones cause wrecks because they are distracting, then let’s look at other things (that actually cause more accidents) that are also distracting.

1) Eating
2) Doing makeup.
3) Reading a map.
4) DWI/DUI.
5) Messing with the radio/CD player/tape deck.
(this is the number 1 cause of all accidents, even more than driving drunk)
6) Messing with kids in the back seat.
7) And then cell phone use.

I’m sure there are many more reasons, such as using a laptop, changing clothes, receiving fallatio, or having a plane land on you, but these are the main ones.

In theory, cell phones are distracting because you are talking to someone and not paying attention to the road. But if they are going to ban cell phones, shouldn’t they ban passengers as well. And especially kids, they are a huge distraction and should never be allowed in cars. But obviously that doesn’t make sense. Likewise, radios, CD players, iPods, etc, are, by far, the most common recent for wrecks, yet there is not legislature being purposed to ban those.

Now let’s look at another side of it. We need to talk on cell phones while we drive. Just as much as we need to listen to the radio while driving. And when I say we need to, I mean it is a part of human nature. When you watch TV what else are you going? Eating? Reading? Using the computer (I’m watching TV right now)? Perhaps talking on a cell phone? How may high school kids listen to the radio while doing homework? How many people doodle while talking on the phone? How many people read the paper with breakfast?

Most people’s brains are too active, and can not simply concentrate on one thing. The same holds true while we are driving. I got into a small fender bender several months ago at a traffic light. I wasn’t on the cell phone, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t messing with the radio, and I sure as hell wasn’t doing my makeup. I wasn’t doing anything. And yet I was so distracted that I let off the brake and rolled in to the car in front of me. Less than a week later a woman did the same thing to me in a Wendy’s drive thru. She wasn’t on her cell, wasn’t listening to the radio, wasn’t looking for lose change. Nothing. She couldn’t explain what happened.

Doesn’t feel strange to be in a car, by yourself, with no radio on? Doesn’t the lack of mental stimulation quickly get bothersome? It is a necessary part of our mental makeup that we must preoccupy our brains as completely as possible. Therefore, cell phone use is a good thing, and should not be banned. At least not until a more complete study comes along. One that’s non-bias.

Things that are Useless

1) Christmas lights - This is a good one to start this list with given the time of year. Personally, I have grown to detest Christmas lights. They serve little purpose and are a pain in the ass to put up. Recently, a couple of elderly women at my church asked for me and some of the youth to come by their houses and help hang lights (I like how they use the word "help", as if they're going to do anything). In exchange they would make a donation to the youth group, so we agreed. When we got to the first house we were lead into the garage to the pile of lights. And I do mean pile. I tried to lift one strand and the entire blob of a 1000+ bulbs lifted up underneath my hand. To make it worse these were the kind that are suppose to look like ice-cycles, with the stand of lights that hang down every six inches or so. I then spent the next 30 minutes unraveling the chaos. At the next house, we found the same blob of lights waiting for us in her garage as well, only about half as much. If I didn't know better I would have thought this was the younger brother of the previous monstrosity. We were then directed to the ladder, which looked as if were the grandfather of many younger ladders. It was an old, wooden, cranky, shaky, thing, and judging by it's looks, it may have even seen time in during the Second World War. The entire afternoon, stretching into the evening, was a complete mess, which adds to my distaste of Christmas lights.

2) Fireworks - This is even more useless than Christmas lights. I personally don't understand people's fascination with this. I have always, even when I was a kid found fireworks to be boring. However, it is completely different if I am setting the fireworks off myself. Blowing up stuff is cool, watching someone else blow stuff up a hundred feet in the air, not cool.

3) Pat Robertson - See my archive on this guy.

4) Happy Holidays - I don't mean the actual phrase is useless, but rather the debate that seems to be going on that people are opting to use this term, as well as Season's Greetings rather than saying Merry Christmas. The debate, as I understand it, is that some Christians seem to be offended that these terms are being used instead of Merry Christmas. As if there is a conspiracy to hide the fact that this holiday is all about Jesus. Of course this is absurd. In reality Happy Holidays means the exact same thing as Merry Christmas, unless of course, you're Jewish, then it means the same as Happy Hanukah. Happy Holidays is great because it is inclusive of anyone regardless of which holiday is being celebrated. Bill O'Reilly has been adamantly against the use of any phrase other than Merry Christmas, saying he finds it grossly offensive. And Bill O'Reilly is an idiot. The fact of the matter is, that the term Merry Christmas, has the potential to be more offensive, if it is said to someone who isn't Christian. But in reality, none of these phrases should be offensive to anyone, because what is important is the meaning behind the words. It is a greeting, and a blessing that is being said, and it's always nice to be blessed. So when someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukah, or a Jolly Quanza, or a Joyous Atheist Gift Exchange, or whatever else; remember, it's the thought that counts.

Obviously, Money Does Not Equal Value

King Kong will no doubt lead the box offices this weekend. And with the money spent on it, it really should. Kong cost 207 million dollars to produce ranking it 5th among the most expensive movies all time. But I wonder how it will compare in terms of movie-goer value with the other high-priced refuse. Here’s a look at the list:

Titanic - 1997 (247 mill): The actual Titanic took only 2 hours and 40 minutes to sink, the movie Titanic, took over 3 yawn-filled hours to sink.

Waterworld - 1995 (229 mill): This movie was not as bad as everyone says. And it’s actually an interesting premise, but it’s still wasn’t worth the 229 million it took to make this film, or the $6 it cost to see it.

Terminator 3 - 2003 (216 mill): Schwarzenegger, better at acting or governing?

Spider-Man 2 - 2004 (210 mill): I honestly can’t remember if I saw this or not. I’m pretty sure I did, but I can’t remember a single thing about it. Guess the movie made an impression.

Wild Wild West - 1999 (203.8 mill): This was a very enjoyable movie, if you don’t mind poorly written dialogue. Really this is a pretty forgettable movie as well, I can’t believe it cost that much.

Speed 2: Cruise Control - 1997 (198.8 mill): The title should be an indication of the quality of this movie. It’s really just bad. What a waste of money. And Sandra Bullock is one of the most overrated actresses ever.

Cleopatra (1963) is listed as the most expensive movie ever made (286.4 mill), if you translate the budget into what it would have cost to produce that today. But I refuse to do that. Mainly because Cleopatra, starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, doesn’t deserve to be ranked among these other titles. Well, I suppose you could rank it with Titanic, but not any of the others.

Cyclop-Churches

There is an article today that reports that several mega-churches have decided to close for Christmas. There thought is that many of there members wouldn’t show up because Christmas is such a busy day, with the presents and the family, and the food, etc, etc. Instead, these churches have decided to have various worship services in the week leading up to Christmas, and really celebrating the holiday on Christmas Eve. In general I like the institution of the se mega-churches, however, I feel that sometimes they miss the larger point.

"If our target and our mission is to reach the unchurched, basically the people who don't go to church, how likely is it that they'll be going to church on Christmas morning?" -- Cally Parkinson, a spokeswoman for Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Ill.
I can see where it would be easy to assume that people wouldn’t come on Christmas. Usually Christmas has the second worst attendance of the year after Easter. Like I said, Sometimes they tend to miss the larger point.

A mega-church is defined has averaging more than 2000 attendees for weekly services. In the United States there are a number of churches that get up to 10,000 people in every week. The largest church in the world is Yoido Full Gospel Church in Seoul, South Korea, which has nearly 1 million members.

I like to call these mega-churches, “Cyclop-churches” because they are gigantic and seem to have only one vision. The benefits of mega-churches are pretty clear to see. Because they have more money and can afford a better staff, and put more money into there production quality, the worship services very, very good. I attended a mega church once, and the service felt more like a rock concert, with a sermon squeezed in the middle. It was also one of the best sermons I had ever heard. Thus, because they have more money, they can have better preachers, better music, and more services, providing a variety, so that there are different services for different people. It’s very easy to become just another face in the crowd at one of these places, and get spiritually feed at the same time. And this is what many people want.

However, it seems to me that Cyclop-churches tend to have one goal -- more people (and by default, more money). It may seem like that should be the primary goal of any church; getting more attendees is equivalent to spreading the word of God. Spreading the word of God isn’t about getting more people to church, it’s about spreading God’s love. If more people show up to church as a result, then great. But, a churches primary responsibility should be to help out the community, not to cater to it’s own congregation, because that should be secondary.

So, for some people, who like to get involved, and like to help people, sometimes these bigger churches are not the way to go. The smaller churches tend to be more willing to lend a helping hand. There are definitely benefits to both, but I prefer the smaller churches, which realize the importance of Christmas.

Birthday Stories

Early on in life, birthdays were somewhat traumatic for me. On my first birthday, I knew little of cake and I knew nothing of birthday candles or what purpose they were suppose to serve. As the cake was placed in front of me, larger than life, with it’s single dancing flame, I was so intrigued, I decided to reach out and grab it. I had little interest in the cake, or the party all together after that.

On my second birthday, I was a little better prepared. I already knew not to touch the fire, and I had been well coached that the candles must be blown out. People sung and the cake was brought. When the singing stopped I was instructed to blow of the candles. I stood up in my chair, to have a good vantage over the cake, took my deepest breath, and as I leaned in, so close that I was sure to fully extinguish the flames, my hair, which was of a haggy nature, hung clumsily down, and just barely, into the fire. My scream did, however, blow out the candles.

By my third birthday, I knew that fire was no joke. I had pleaded with my mom that candles wouldn’t be necessary, but she insisted and reassured me that I could do it this time. I just needed not to get so close. I was told that I could blow them out, without needing to lean in quite so close. I took her word on it and agreed, reluctantly to the candles. But when the cake came, with it’s three, bright-glowing, demons of fire, I made the choice to be safe rather than sorry. I blew with all my might, while leaning back as much as I could, with my head firmly planted against the back of the chair. They encouraged me to get closer, but I wasn’t buying it. Someone even tried to push my chair closer to help, but that just made me press myself harder in to the back of the chair. Finally, after several minutes of me blowing repeatedly, and refusing to get any closer to the cake, my father came over and blew the candles out himself. The cake was cut, and I was served my piece, and I was happy.

But on my fourth birthday, I had it down. I had been to other birthdays, and I had seen how it was suppose to be done and in one big sweeping wind, I exhausted the small army guarding my cake. I smile externally and internally as I ate, because I had finally won out over the enemy candles.

Quote of the day

“I guess he had too much Potato Salad yesterday.” -- Mavs Coach Avery Johnson, finding a reason for Desagana Diop poor performance Friday against Miami.

Here's a "Capital" idea

In the coming week the US will execute it’s 1000 prisoner since the death penalty was reestablished in 1977. And the debate rages on, as to whether or not we should continue to execute prisoners convicted of capital offenses.

Here are some facts on the death penalty:

- The US ranks 4th in the world for most executions, behind China, Iran, and Viet Nam (all of which are communist/dictatorship counties).

- The US executes more minors (under 18) than any other country in the world.

- Almost two-thirds of the rest of the world have abolished the death penalty in either law or practice (with some exceptions for war-time crimes).

- Texas executes more people than any other state. Harris County (Houston) executes more than any other county in the US.

- 12 US states have ended laws providing for the death penalty.

Arguments for the Death Penalty:
- It deters crime.
- It ensures that these people can never harm again.
- It is provided for in the bible.
- It provides justice to the family of victims.
- 68% of Americans approve of the death penalty in one capacity or another.


First of all, it is not a deterrent. In a recent report for the United Nations, surveys have shown that the threat of the death penalty does not deter persons any more that the threat of life imprisonment. And studies have shown, that in countries that have abolished the death penalty, there was not a rise in major crime. And, in fact, making adjustments in many other factors, such as education reform, or city beatification projects, have shown to have a greater impact on crime rates.

Yes, this does guarantee that they will never harm again, but so does a sentence of life in prison with possibility of parole. And what if they’re really innocent? Since 1973, 121 prisoners have been released after DNA test were able to prove their innocence. There has not yet been a documented case where the US did execute an innocent person, but with the number of people that have been released, some just days before execution, it’s asinine to assume that an innocent person has never been executed.

The Old Testament of the bible does condone use of the death penalty in a few place, “eye for eye, tooth for tooth”, for example. However, anyone who would actually use this argument is completely ignorant of the teachings of any major religion. Religions teach compassion and forgiveness, and though we must be able to protect ourselves by locking up criminals, we must likewise have compassion for the sanctity of their life, even if they would not have compassion toward us.

But, it does give a sense of justice served for the families of the victims. This is very true, many have said they wanted justice, or that they felt justice had been served, toward their respective family members. But a mistake is being made in assuming that revenge is justice. Revenge is not justice. And this concept has been taught by Jesus, Moses, Mohammad, Gandhi, Buddha, and many other important people. I mention these people, because there is no debating that our country is one that is very moral, and spiritual, and religious, and many of these figures provide the cornerstone for what are morals are based upon. So, if we are to assert that we are a moral nation, and if we want to distance ourselves from nations, which we often view as being immoral, such as China, Iran, and Viet Nam, then we should make a move to join the rest of the civilized world and end the death penalty.

However, 68% of Americans do support some form of the death penalty remaining in existence, and as we know, America is the greatest country ever (sarcasm), so maybe we should keep it around. At one time the majority of American approved of slavery, but that didn’t make it right. In the mid-1940‘s, the majority of Americans approved us putting the Japanese in internment camps, but that didn’t make it right. Just because the majority of people feel a certain way, doesn’t mean they are right. That is the beauty of our constitution, is it is designed with a concept called “majority rule, minority rights”. Even today, the majority of Americans think that most or all of the immigrants in the US should be deported, but again, that doesn’t make it right (I have some really good ideas and solutions to our illegal immigration problems, but that will come in a later essay).

There are a number of other arguments against capital punishment that I am not, yet, going to take the space to cover, but I hope a time comes soon, that our country can take a moral step forward, and end the death penalty.

"Hairless Christians"

An excerpt from Life of Pi.

I know a woman here in Toronto who is very dear to my heart…. Though she has lived in Toronto for over thirty years, her French-speaking mind still slips on occasion on the understanding of English sounds. And so, when she first heard of Hare Krishnas, she didn’t hear right. She heard “Hairless Christians”, and that is what they were to her for many years. When I corrected her, I told her that in fact she was not wrong; that Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God, are hat-wearing Muslims.

This is a waste of tax-payer money

ANAHEIM, Calif. -
President Bush is set to make the traditional pardon of a Thanksgiving turkey today. But this bird isn't heading to some petting zoo. It's going to Disneyland.

The 35-pound Tom Turkey will be grand marshall of the Disneyland Thanksgiving Day parade.

And the big bird is flying west in style. After the reprieve on the White House lawn, the turkey and it's alternate will be given a police escort to a Washington-area airport.

From there they'll fly first-class to Los Angeles. After the parade duties are over, the turkeys will live out their days at a Disneyland ranch.


Crap like this pisses me off. That turkey is flying first class to Disneyland for Thanksgiving, while there will be homeless people, just as ugly as this turkey, starving on the streets for thanksgiving. If I were President, I would end the tradition of pardoning a turkey, and instead I would cook it up and feed it to the homeless. Because that makes more sense.

Conversation of the Day

Old guy: “Where did you say you were from?”

Fat guy: “Mansfield.”

Old guy: “Is that new?”

Fat guy: “Mansfield? No.”

Old guy: “Oh. What’s that place down there? It’s been there for years?”

Fat guy: “Lee’s?”

Old guy: “No.”


This conversation took place between two guys who may have had no idea what they were talking about. The old man asked if Mansfield was new, as if he had never heard of it, and then preceded to ask about a business, probably a restaurant, in Mansfield. It should be pointed out, that Mansfield, Texas is over 100 years old, and has a population of over 50,000 people. Also, there is no business named Lee’s anywhere in Mansfield.

Aunt Tim

My mother has an aunt, my great-aunt, that lives in a small town in western Oklahoma. Occasionally, my mother goes to visit her Aunt Tim (no one knows why she is named Tim, but she doesn’t seem to realize it’s a strange name for a woman). Generally we dislike making this trip, as it is long, boring, un-scenic, and once we arrive, there is still nothing to do. The small town she lives in has but one restaurant, and if you don’t make it by sun-down, then it may be closed. As a matter of fact, the whole town pretty much closes at 5:00pm. The only thing there is to do, is to make the 45 minute trek to the nearest decent size town, Elk City. And in case you were wondering, any place, where you look forward to going to a town named Elk City, must suck.

On my mother’s most recent trip, Aunt Tim scheduled a doctor’s appointment in Elk City (which was probably overdue), because she needed my mom to drive her. Aunt Tim is a tiny, 88 year old, 4’10” woman, who can barley see and barley hear. Yet she will drive herself around town, in her over sized Lincoln Continental. Fortunately, she knows not to try and drive herself across any great distances, or to travel at highway speeds.

On a doctor visit like this, my mom serves the roll of interpreter. The doctor, or nurse, or whoever, will speak to my great-aunt, and then she will look at my mother and wait for my mother to repeat, sometimes word for word, what was said so that Aunt Tim can understand it. After they enter the doctor‘s office, the receptionist gives them the standard forms to be filled out and tells Aunt Tim she will need to provide her insurance card after filling out the form. After they take a seat in the waiting room, and mother starts filling out the form, Aunt Tim turns to her and says, “What did she say?” My mom explains to her that she will need to show her insurance card.
“Oh,” says Aunt Tim, “I can never understand those people. The Mexicans.”

My mom, flushed face, sinks down in her chair, as this was said loud enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear. Not to mention that the receptionist was not Mexican, but white.

Later in the doctor’s office, the nurse says something, which my mother then has to translate, and while the nurse is still in the room, Aunt Tim says, “I can’t understand her, she must be speaking Spanish.” The nurse, like the receptionist, was also white, and definitely not speaking Spanish.

Finally, the doctor came and check her out. And it was a long ordeal, since me mother had to translate virtually everything the doctor said. When the doctor left, and they were preparing to go, Aunt Tim says, “He had a funny accent too. Too many foreigners.” Needless to say, he did not have a funny accent, nor was he a foreigner. I am starting to suspect that my Aunt Tim may be a racist. And now that I think about it, she did once refer to Oklahoma City as “Nigger Town”, and she once warned us not to go to Love’s gas stations, because “that’s where the hoodlums and blacks hang out.”

It also, makes no sense to us why she can apparently hear my mom, but can’t hear anyone else. But despite her little quirks (like racism) she is, for the most part, a sweet old lady.

Do you think the 'End Times' are near?

Do you thing the 'End Times' are near? This is what I was asked today. I did my best to contain my laughter, because it was my boss who was asking me. And I like my boss, she's a nice lady, ultra-conservative, but still nice. My reply was simply "No, not anytime soon."

She cited that what the bible says about the Armageddon, that there will be an increase in frequency of natural disasters, wars, famine, and other bad things just before the end of the world. But, there has always been earthquakes, and hurricanes, and many more destructive than what has been seen recently. Many, that are likely to not even be recorded. Wars have always been prevalent. Since the beginning of recorded history there has been war. Famine has been less documented, but one can easily assume that poverty has been as bad, if not worse in the past than it is now, because in more recent decades we’ve become more aware about using taxation to spread the wealth. She then cited how homosexuality has become so widely accepted, as being evidence that the end of time is near. Like I said, I do enjoy working for her, so rather than start a fight, I kept my mouth shut.

But here, with the safeguard of anonymity, I can express my thoughts on the subject. Homosexuality has always been excepted in various societies, such as the ancient Greeks. Likewise, there have always been societies that condemn such behavior. Of course the spread of Christianity had snuffed out homosexuality briefly, and my boss is right that it is more widely accepted than it was 100 years ago.

But why has it become more widely accepted? Despite what some Fundamental Christians would have you believe, Christianity has not become a minority religion, Christians are not being persecuted for their beliefs, and most of our lawmakers are still Christians. The reason is not the lack of Christianity, but rather the reason is that we are better interpreting the traditional Christian beliefs. And by traditional Christian beliefs, I mean the concepts that are the cornerstone of what Christians believe. Things like “love one another,” and “treat others have you would like to be treated.” Furthermore, we have evolved into a wiser, and more logically thinking society. So when we apply the values, and we ask ourselves “Who does this really hurt?” then we arrive at the conclusion that we must accept these actions, because after all, acceptance and tolerance is the ‘Christian Way’ to behave.

Another reason that homosexuality has become more accepted in our society is because we have a governmental system that mandates a separation between church and state. Not only does this mean that we can make laws concerning organized religion, but it also means we can’t make laws on the premise of moral objection. The fundamentals of our government system is rooted in the Socratic philosophies, which are based on reasoning and logic. Thus laws concerning homosexuals have become more lax recently because we are evolving as a government, and realizing that laws must be based on logic and reasoning rather than moral outrage.

Of course when I say “we”, I am really referring to the more liberal thinkers in our society. Because it is obvious that not all of us have evolved morally. There are a vast many that still hold some sort of irrational moral outrage to homosexuality, and it is unfortunate that we do live in a discriminating society.

Back to the original question: Do I think that the End of the world is coming? No, but if it is, it would happen with a Republican in office.

Pat Robertson, you're an asshole

Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck. -- "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city," -- Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The 700 Club.


And here are some other brilliant quotes from Pat Robertson over the years:


"We have a court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye and said we're going to legislate you out of the schools. We're going to take your commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states. We're not going to let little children read the commandments of God. We're not going to let the Bible be read, no prayer in our schools. We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And then we say, "Why does this happen?" Well, why it's happening is that God Almighty is lifting his protection from us." -- Pat Robertson, explaining on his 700 Club cable TV program why the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, had occurred two days earlier

"But I want to say as surely as I am sitting here today, this is only a foretaste, a little warning, of what is going to happen." -- Pat Robertson, remarking on the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, even after receiving a personal rebuke from the President, quoted from Dick Meyer, "Holy Smoke," CBS News (September 15, 2001)

"God's pattern is for men to be the leaders, both in the church and in the family... "Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority over them." -- Pat Robertson, reciting a passage from I Timothy in his book, Bring It On, quoted from Nicholas D. Kristof, "Peter, Paul, Mary ... and God" (The New York Times: February 28, 2004)

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992

"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." -- Pat Robertson, "The 700 Club," 1/8/92

"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 14, 1991

"I am bound by the laws of the United States and all 50 states...I am not bound by any case or any court to which I myself am not a party...I don't think the Congress of the United States is subservient to the courts...They can ignore a Supreme Court ruling if they so choose." -- Pat Robertson, Washington Post, June 27,1986)

"There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution. It is a lie of the Left and we are not going to take it anymore." -- Pat Robertson, November 1993 during an address to the American Center for Law and Justice

"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals--the two things seem to go together." -- Pat Robertson, "The 700 Club," 1/21/93

"It is interesting, that termites don't build things, and the great builders of our nation almost to a man have been Christians, because Christians have the desire to build something. He is motivated by love of man and God, so he builds. The people who have come into (our) institutions (today) are primarily termites. They are into destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have.... The termites are in charge now, and that is not the way it ought to be, and the time has arrived for a godly fumigation." -- Pat Robertson, New York Magazine, August 18, 1986

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." -- Pat Robertson, 1993 interview with Molly Ivins

"I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television program, August 6, 1998, on the occasion of the Orlando, Florida, Gay Pride Festival 1998

"To see Americans become followers of Islam is nothing short of insanity.... The Islamic people, the Arabs, were the ones who captured Africans, put them in slavery, and sent them to America as slaves. Why would the people in America want to embrace the religion of slavers." -- Pat Robertson, quoted from the American Muslim Council press release

"The mission of the Christian Coalition is simple," says Pat Robertson. It is "to mobilize Christians -- one precinct at a time, one community at a time -- until once again we are the head and not the tail, and at the top rather than the bottom of our political system." Robertson predicts that "the Christian Coalition will be the most powerful political force in America by the end of this decade." And, "We have enough votes to run this country...and when the people say, 'We've had enough,' we're going to take over!" -- Pat Robertson

Worst gift ever

I was reminded today of the worst gift I ever received. I dated a girl in high school, who repeatedly gave horrible gifts. For my 18th birthday she bought me a ticket to a Ranger game. A ticket, just one! I like baseball, and I enjoy going to games, but why would I go to a game by myself? How boring would that be? I don't go to movies by myself, I do go out to eat by myself, why would I go to a game by myself? She liked baseball, why didn't she buy two tickets? I had to use the ticket, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tell her how lousy this gift was. I know it's the thought that counts, but does that really apply when the thought is stupid? I ended up telling her I was going to the game, then I just sat at home and watch it on TV. I went by her house after the game was over and she said "Hey, I think I saw you on TV, at the game." I maintained my composer, and didn't laugh in her face.

If the Klan supports it, then I don't

On Saturday the Ku Klux Klan held a rally in Austin supporting proposition 2, which would ban gay marriage in Texas. Gay rights organizations also held a rally to vote against proposition 2. Back in the 70’s when the KKK would hold a rally, the Black Panthers would hold one the same day, and both organizations would march through the streets. On a number of occasions riots would break out, or at the very least, a slue of racial slurs would fill the air. This past Saturday in Austin however, lacked some of the drama of past KKK rallies. The KKK now are a more peaceful organization, and the gays, well, gays can’t really fight. There was one incident that did occur though. Darrin Walker, a homosexual native of Dallas, approached a member of the KKK and slapped him once across the face. Walker then said to the man, “I should slap you again for wearing those shoes with that outfit. Not to mention, hoods are so 1972. You really should update, maybe a cowboy hat, they’re totally in style now.” The two men were then scene going to the mall together, where Walker will help the Klan member with a new outfit.

On a side note, FOX has said they are creating a new reality show called “Queer eye for the Ku Klux Klan guy.” It is schedule to premier next fall.

The God of Fashion

Shame on the media. Shame, shame. Do not trivialize how important it is to look good while on TV. The media is ripping apart former head of FEMA, Michael Brown for emails and comments that reveal he may have been more concerned with his wardrobe than saving lives in New Orleans. If Michael Brown showed up to an awards ceremony and wasn’t dressed well then the media would have ridiculed him, but if he is concerned about looking good in Louisiana… well, we should crucify him. The media in this country needs to make up their minds. Shouldn’t people try to look good anytime they are on camera? Besides, do we really want Michael Brown trying to help people, I mean, the man is incompetent. At least he cared about looking good, while some of the evacuees that were interviewed, clearly had no concern for looking good on camera. These are the people that should be ridiculed, not Michael Brown, because his priorities are in the right place, the evacuees priorities, clearly were not.

"My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous — and I'm not talking the makeup," writes Cindy Taylor, FEMA's deputy director of public affairs to Brown on 7:10 a.m. local time on Aug. 29.

"I got it at Nordstroms," Brown writes back. "Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?" An hour later, Brown adds: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."

Will Texas ban marriage?

Proposition 2, maybe you've heard of it, will be voted on Nov. 8th, and if ratified by the citizens of Texas, there will be a new Texas Constitutional Amendment concerning the definition of marriage.

"The constitutional amendment providing that marriage in this state consists only of the union of one man and one woman and prohibiting this state or a political subdivision of this state from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

There are two issues raised by this. For starters there is the phrase "consists only of the union of one man and one woman," this is troublesome for the obvious civil rights violation, as well, it is a violation of the "anti-establishment clause" of the US constitution. But, I'll put those easily made arguments on hold for now, because the other interesting thing about the wording of the proposed amendment is "prohibiting this state... from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

So this amendment defines what a marriage is, between a man and woman, and then goes on to say that a marriage will have no legal status. Truly unprecedented. So the real question here is, was this an accident on the part of state legislators? Surely someone would have noticed that marriages, including their own marriages would no longer hold any legal standing. Or was this on purpose? Perhaps, Texas legislators are ingenious. They have tried to create an amendment that would make all things equal concerning marriage, and knowing that Texas is mostly made up of redneck morons, who only read the paper if its talking about NASCAR or high school football, and would therefore support the new amendment because, on the surface it appeared to be "anti-homo."

So are Texas Legislators geniuses or idiots? Will the people of Texas vote to make marriage obsolete? Tune in Nov. 8th to find out who the real idiots are.

I love basketball

As I sit here watching the first game on TNT, but anxiously waiting for the second game to start (Maverick @Suns), I fill compelled to jot down a few things I am looking forward too, or not looking forward too, as the case may be.

- Who will be the first to break the new dress code rule? Some say Iverson, but I think he is too much of a coward, the kind of guy that's all talk. A friend of mine suggested it would be Tim Duncan, who has come out against the new code. This is interesting, because I'm sure that commissioner David Stern must love Duncan. He is not only a great player, but he's intelligent, and kind, and is the poster child for everything that's good about the NBA. As oppose the that thug Artest, or butt-raping Kobe.

- Watching Eddie Najara stay healthy for a full season, and playing on a team that will appreciate him. You seriously have to like the guy.

- Lebron officially becomes the next Michael Jordan. He has all the talent, and all the class, he just needs a ring. Actually, I have Cleveland picked to lose to Miami in the Eastern Conference Finals. But, barring injury, I think Cleveland is one good trade away from making to the finals.

- Antoine Walker's sour attitude, and constant underacheiving, will get him traded from the best team in the East. If Miami doesn't trade him then Cleveland will be playing Detroit in the Eastern Conference Finals.

- The Mavs: Dirk finishes 2nd for MVP, behind Lebron. Marquis Daniels wins 6th Man of the Year, because Stackhouse won't stay healthy. Josh Howard makes First Team all Defense. Avery Johnson finishes second in Coach of the Year voting behind Mike Brown of Cleveland (I don't really love Cleveland that much, but I am just predicting a break out season for everyone there).

- I've noticed that Marv Albert wears the same shade of lipstick as Alex Rodriguez. Weird.

- (I'm not looking forward to this) Sadly the Spurs will win yet another NBA title.

- (also not looking forward to) NBA on TNT. There coverage is really inferior. And I hate Charles Barkley.

- I love to watch Earl Boykins, that guy is like a quick little mouse, scurrying about.

- Despite the awful coverage by TNT, I do like the bit they do with Ali G when they go to commercial breaks.

- Over the off-season Marquis Daniels got a new tattoo on his back (he has like 18) in the shape of Florida, so that when he is playing he knows that "Florida's got his back." I can't wait to see that tattoo.

Coach Obvious takes a back seat to Angry Mom

“Boy! I don’t cur that you scored two touchdowns. That don’t matter if you cain’t tackle! You gots ta tackle. If you ain’t gonna play I’ll pull yo ass out right now. I sit ya on the damn bench my own self. Now whatch you gonna do? You gonna play? You betta, if you know whats good for you. You need to knock them out, you need to start hittin!" -- Angry Mom, yelling at her son after he ran 50+ yards for a touchdown.

“Hey! Ya’ll get over here! Listen to her!” -- Coach Obvious, after realizing that this angry large black woman could motivate (with fear) the team better than he could. At the time the other team’s running back had just completed an 80 yard run for his 5th touchdown of the day, which tied up the game in the fourth quarter.

“You know what ya’lls problem is? You lazy! Every last one of yous. Lazy and don’t what to hit nobody, and don’t want to tackle. Ya’ll need to get out there and hit they asses. Number 2 ain’t no good, but ya’ll letting him run all over you! Why be letting him score all the time? Cause you afraid! ‘Fraid of getting hurt! Na. You gots ta quit being lazy. Say, I’ll tell you what. I got five dollas here for anyone who can knock number 2 out. Five dollas if you knock number 2 out. PUT HIM ON HIS BACK! Don’t let him get up. YOU KNOCK HIM OUT, AND IF HE GETS UP YOU KNOCK HIM OUT AGAIN!!! I got five dollas.” -- Angry Mom (yelled the entire thing, but she really screamed the last part). And surprisingly, this worked, number 2 wasn’t knocked out, but they did keep him from scoring again, and they ended up winning.

Quote of the Day

"I'm going ot take this pumpkin home and cut it open real big and stick my feet in it!" -- An 8 year old boy at my church's Halloween party.

Now let's be 'intellegent' about this

An essay, by Kyle Ray

With all this recent talk about intelligent design, maybe it's time I voice my opinion on the subject. I like it. I think Intelligent design is a really intelligent idea. Think about it, it makes so much sense, and it's something that can potentially be embraced by both Darwinist and Creationist. Basically the theory is that the world is so complex that it couldn't have happened by coincidence, there must have been some sort of higher being who started all this. After that, you can believe whatever you want. But, let clarify one point here: INTELLEGENT DESIGN IS NOT SCIENCE.

There is nothing scientific about it. There is nothing to test, nothing to prove, you can't even really call it a hypothesis, because that's an educated guess, and there are no previous facts to support an educated guess. At best it is only a theory.

But, there have been many good theories over the centuries. And by that I mean philosophical theories, religious as well as secular. The Buddhist idea of karma, the Hindu idea of reincarnation, the Jewish idea of salvation through works, or even Socrates' ideas about democracy; all of these have been widely accepted by millions and millions over the years. But, I think it goes with out saying that not one of these should be taught in a science class, none of these theories are formed by using the scientific principles. These theories are formed through critical thinking and reasoning. Of course science involves critical thinking and reasoning too, but the difference is, science can be tested.

With that said, I support the idea of Intelligent Design being taught in schools. However, for previously stated reasons, it should not be taught in a science class. But, it is worth teaching. Not only is Intelligent Design worth teaching, but so are the many other great philosophical ideas that have come before us.

It seems to me, that States should offer philosophy courses in high schools (and maybe somewhere this is happening but, I don’t know of where). When I was a sophomore in college I took Introduction to Philosophy. The class changed me profoundly. I learned and developed new skills that ultimately made me a better student. I learned how to approach situations with logic, I learned how to support my arguments with practical reasoning, as well, I was challenged to think more critically about things I had never taken the time to even consider before. At the end of it I became a better student, and a better person.

Philosophy, we must realize is the root behind, not only religion, but government and science as well. To truly understand what a government is and should be, one must first have an understanding to the various philosophies behind government. And to appreciate science, and our desire and curiosity to control, manipulate and understand our universe, we must realize that the birth of science came from philosophical concepts. Science came from people trying to answer riddles that that seemed unsolvable.

Though religion can be closely tied to philosophy, it shouldn’t raise a problem in the issue of separation of church and state as prescribed in the constitution. Obviously, religion will be discussed and debated in a philosophy course, but the curriculum would not favor any religion over another. Rather it would provide an overview of beliefs of many different cultures. If designed properly, the only way an issue could arise would be in the case of a teacher who strayed from the curriculum too far, and encourage her own beliefs rather than remaining non-bias. But this sort of problem can arise in any class at any time. I remember my 10th grade biology teacher, Mrs. Maclin, “This isn’t true, but I have to teach it anyways,” she said as a disclaimer before starting her section over evolution (which only lasted two days, and was done very half-assed). According to the law, she was not allowed to state her personal beliefs on the subject, but she certainly didn’t get in trouble for it. I can only assume that this sort of thing happens far to often in our public schools. But if the curriculum is devised correctly, and followed properly, the class would provide many positive results.

The average 10th grader is impressionable, inquisitive, and is at an age where they start to ask questions about deeper things which they do not yet understand. In a more conservative atmosphere, these questions could be stifled, and frowned upon. Many still raise their children with an attitude of “just because,” or “if the bible says it, it must be true.” And yet, other youth, when asking these questions in a more ignorant atmosphere, may not find any answer for their questions. Therefore it is necessary to provide an outlet for these questions that, rather than provides answers, provides understanding. In end result is that students will benefit greatly, becoming better students, learning more throughout their schooling, as well as throughout their lives. Studies have shown that a more well educated society is a more productive and less violent society.

I’m not suggesting that philosophy course be mandatory, or that they necessarily be in every school, but they should at least be offered. It would solve many problems, and benefit the society all at once.

3.141592654....

This is so good, it's worth passing on. It may take a while to load, but wait for it. You won't be disappointed.

Pi

Tim McCarver, you're an idiot.

"That's a good call, one of the best we've seen this series." -- Announcer Tim McCarver on the 'foul ball' call of the left field umpire, on a ball that landed about two feet foul.

Tim McCarver, you're an idiot.

Coach Obvious

I do a bit of photography, mainly sports photography, mainly youth sports. And this time of year, I shoot a lot of pee-wee football. I have come to realize that youth sports are full of bad coaching, and it’s even more prevalent in football. Part of that, is that football coaches tend to get angry much easier (I‘m not sure why this is), and as a result they yell a lot more. Of course when people get angry they tend not to think as clearly or articulate themselves as well. The result is a bunch of coaches yelling incredibly obvious advice to their players, because they are too red-face-angry (over a kids football game) to think clearly enough to give the kids any useful information. So I’ve complied a list of some of the things yelled (often at the top of their lungs), that should be blatantly obvious to any football player or fan.

“Tackle that guy!”

“Offensive line! You have to block!”

“Don’t throw the ball to nobody!”

“No you can’t go to the bathroom!”

“Get up! You’re not hurt!” -- The kid could be on the ground screaming, and this would be the coach's first response.

“Go! Run!”

“Don’t fumble the football!”

“You have got to hold on to the ball!”

“Don’t fall down when you get the ball!”

“Play Football!!!”


-- Thanks Coach Obvious, for your insight and inspiration.

Man requests longer prison sentence to match Bird's jersey number

October 20, 2005

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) -- A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to -- all because of Larry Bird.
The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.
``He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey,'' Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. ``We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.
``I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it.''

Have we become too obsessed with professional sports? If I ever go to jail, I'm going to ask for a sentance of 1 year, in honor of Ozzie Smith.

Projectile Lactation

I recently visited a vegan restaurant in my home town of Fort Worth. I should point out that I am not vegan, nor do I have any interest in becoming one. The fact is I love chicken, in all it’s forms…. Well maybe not in bird-flu-form. Anyways, at a vegan restaurant I realize that I am going to see some of that new world/bohemian type of atmosphere, but I figured it would be in the form of excessive tattoos and body piercing, which our waitress did not let me down in that aspect. As I am eating my tofu, meatball sandwich (which was one of the best meatball sandwiches I have ever had), the young mother across from my table….. Wait, let me back up. This young family, mother, father, and child came in just after us. The looked like a normal couple in their mid-twenties. I was a little annoyed that they allowed their young daughter to roam around the small restaurant touching whatever her grubbing little hands desired. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone else, and it’s not really affecting me, so whatever.

But I guess all of that running around must have made her thirsty. She ran back to her mother, and without saying a word, just tugging on her mothers "Good-Will quality" dress, she indicated to her mother that she would like something to drink. Her mother, then lifted up her shirt slightly with her left hand, (not exposing anything, but merely pulling the shirt out in a tent like fashion), and with her right hand she reached under her shirt, and started to squeeze. Note, she did not pick up her daughter. Her daughter, standing straight up, tilted her head back and open her mouth, and received the stream of milk from her mother. My meatball sandwich suddenly lost it’s appeal.

What the hell? I can’t imagine any situation when this type of action is appropriate, private or public. This is, after all, a restaurant, where other people are dinning, trying to enjoy their meal. Not to mention, the child is old enough to run, and I’ll admit I am neither a doctor or a mother, but at what point should a child stop breast-feeding? And, I’m not exactly sure what type of sensation is involved here, but it’s my understanding that the breast are extremely sensitive while a mother is nursing, so wouldn’t squeezing them, to project lactate, begin to hurt quite a bit? The whole episode was both disgusting and disturbing.

However, I would go there again. The food, despite the lack of meat, is quite tasty.

Define business casual....

This is making a lot of people unhappy. Who does David Stern think he is to tell the players what they can and can not wear?

The NBA sent a memo to the teams instituting a new dress code for all NBA players. Basically, they must wear suit jackets when at the games an inactive (like when they are injured and not playing), they must wear a wardrobe defined as 'business casual' in all post-game interviews, as well as when they are representing the team or the league in various promotional engagements. Not that they must wear these things, but rather this is the minimum acceptable.

So what is business casual you may ask? The dictionary defines it as "attire that is acceptable for an office but quite casual, varying depending on the type of business and workplace" Well if it can vary on the type of business and the workplace, then what should the definition be as it applies to the NBA? Obviously, the league is trying to encourage their players to be more professional. They, likely also want the player to set an example to those young impressionable minds who might look up to them. Note the picture of Shaq above as an example of how to dress. His attire is appropriate whether attending a basketball game, going into the office, or bitch slapping some ho, cause she ain't paid you for those tricks yet.

I'll admit that dressing like a pimp is much better than dressing like a thug, I still don't know if that's a very good look for the NBA either. I think the larger issue here is the restriction of freedom. Like I said, some teams already have a dress code. So maybe it should be a team decision (or rather an owner/coach decision), rather than the league enforcing it. Players who be less likely to go against it, if they thought it was for the good of the team, or something like that.

Of course not every team would implement the changes. Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is adamantly oppose to the new dress code, probably because he think he may have to start dressing up for games as well. Cuban usually wears jeans and a jersey to almost all of the games, and truly hate the idea of dressing up. Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson are also against the new dress code. Duncan wore a suit to a game once and had the worst game of his life, now he never wears suit, because it may be bad luck; Iverson on the other hand is just a thug.

"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes." -- Marcus Camby, who will make 7.15 million this season, when informed about the new dress code.

Hmmm... Interesting point, I hadn't thought about that. Thank you Marcus.

Why Michael Bamberger sucks ass....

I'm not much of a golf fan I'll have to admit. I enjoy playing occasionally, and I watch every now and then, usually the PGA when I do watch. I will say that I do kick ass at Tiger Wood's Golf on the PS2. But, I rarely watch LPGA, and have little interest in following it. I have also, never heard of anybody named Michael Bamberger, at least not before today.

Apparently, at the end of the day, yesterday at the LPGA Samsung World Championship, Bamberger informed tournament officials that he felt Michelle Wie cheated on a drop she made the day before. The officials reviewed the tape, check it out, and Michelle Wie was disqualified from the tournament. It turned out she did drop the ball closer to the hole, by a matter of inches, and therefore violated the rules.

``I thought about it more and was just uncomfortable that I knew something,'' Bamberger said. ``Integrity is at the heart of the game."

Okay, fine. I don't have a problem with the league disqualifying Wie, if in fact she did cheat, though some discretion could have been used here. But, rules are rules, of course. The problem I have is with Bamberger, or as I like to call him, Bamberger the Rat-Bastard. Any respectable journalist would say that their job is to report the news, not make it. So why then, did 'Rat-Bastard' decided to rat out Wie? He mentioned the Integrity of the game, but what about journalistic integrity? Why did he also wait more than 24 hours to go to the officials, long after it was too late for Wie to make an adjustment to the score card, and keep herself from getting disqualified?

Why? Because Michael Bamberger sucks ass.

Clearly, a democracy is far from perfect...

The people of Iraq are going to vote soon on their new constitution proposal. That, naturally will include all Iraq citizens, even those that are not currently living in Iraq, even those who are being held by the UN on charges of genocide. Saddam Hussein, along with about 10,000 other detainees are going to get to vote on the new constitution with the rest of their country men and women. It's important that all of Iraq citizens get to vote, even the evil ones.

On a side note, the country seems to be extremely divided on the proposed constitution. Regardless of whether or not it gets passed, which I believe it likely will; could an Iraqi civil war be on the horizon? And, if so, is America to blame? Did we start the ball rolling for a civil war? And where are we going to be when it starts?

We must assume that we won't be there forever. It's likely that when a new administration is elected, America will likely scale back it's forces in Iraq. So, in similar fashion to the first Gulf War, we will virtually abandon their country after a promise to fix everything. Probably only enough troops will be left behind to effectively guard the oil production, leaving the rest of the country to fight itself. The Iraqi fighters, on either side, will leave the US troops alone, because it will have it's own war to fight, and will not want the American's involved to affect the outcome. Of course, once one side gains power then they may focus attention to the oil production, but that may be decades down the road, and by then they can have the oil, because the Democrats would have regained control of the country, and extensive research will be, being conducted on alternative fuels.

Clearly, a Democracy is far from perfect.

Mmmmm..... Bennigan's

I went to Bennigan's earlier today, and at some point before the meal arrived I had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunantly, the bathroom had the pungent odor of piss and poop. The bathrooms at this particular Bennigan's is right next to the kitchen. The kitchen gives off the concentrated smell of fried foods. So, there's this place, right between the bathroom, and it's poop smell, and the kitchen, with it's fried food smell, where the air hangs on this over-powering, stomach-wrenching aroma of fried poop. Nothing will kill an appetite faster than the scent of fried poop.

Stupid Crimes

I've added a link on the side bar that goes to Court TV's Stupid Crimes page. In honor of that, I'll tell my own stupid crime story, that I was an accomplice to.

I was at a party on the SMU campus a few years ago. Like any party on a college campus, we were having a fun, loud, drunken good time. My good friend Scott mentioned that he had some bottle rockets in the trunk of his car. Why we told him to get them, I don't know. He brought them in and someone suggest that he light them. "No, you light them," he suggested (we were inside the apartment, not outside). Finally, I came up with the brilliant (drunk) idea that I would flick a lighter and hold it out, and if he should 'accidentally' get the bottle rocket to close, then it would really be nobody's fault. So, I did, and he did, and then the bottle rocket was lit. We watched the long, but not that long, wick start to burn down. After a moment, the hissing of the wick, as it approached the base of the rocket, made us realize that this could pose a potential threat. Scott screamed for everyone to get out of the way, as he ran toward the door with the hissing rocket......

I mentioned that we were loud before, and perhaps some of the other near by apartments may have become annoyed with our loudness, and perhaps they could have called to report our loudness.....

As Scott got to the door he flung the rocket, over-hand baseball style, and it immediately lit up and took off, and whizzed right by the police man's head. The police had, in fact, been summoned, on account of our loudness and just happened to be steps from the porch as Scott let go of the bottle rocket. Timing is everything.

The cop wrote Scott a ticket for possession of illegal fireworks (which he later got the charge dismissed???) and gave us a warning about the loudness. Fortunantly he did not decide to come in and bust half a dozen minors who were drinking. So, all in all, we felt like we got off pretty light.... and therefore, it took us much longer to learn our lesson about drinking and committing stupid crimes.

Phrases I Hate to Hear

"Get er done." - I'll put this one first because I think the reasons for hatred are obvious.

"Cain't" or "Dain't" - As in "I cain't do this" or "I dain't seen that." I assume these 'words' are formed by combining the words can't and ain't (which isn't actually a word either), or didn't and ain't, respectively. This bothers me because the use of these word would instantly force someone to assume that you are just poor white trash (or poor black trash, whatever).

"I done did that already" - Please choose which form of the word you want to use. Either "I did that, or I've done that." But please, don't combine the two.

Exccessive and unnecessary use of the word 'Fuck' - I once heard someone say "Yesterday I fucking went to the fucking mall with my fucking gradnmother." This is just not needed. I can see some situations when the use of the word could be appropriate, as in "I hate the fucking Yankees," but in this case, I think the word 'fucking', is not the best word to describe your grandmother. The use of curse words, besides being offensive, are a sign of ignorance, as in, you aren't able to find a better use of words to more clearly illustrate what you are saying.

"God D***" - This is certainly the most offensive of all cussing. I find it so offensive that I won't even type the whole thing. I have a friend who uses this phrase way too much, and I have to control my urge to slap her and scream at her.

The Gods must be Crazy

There have been leaaders in the past who have been accused of being a "puppet leader", meaning there was someone behind the scenes calling all the shots. But who knew that Bush's puppet master was actually God Almighty. Apprently, Bush has said that God told him to invade afghanistan, "God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'." But thats not all God told him: "And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq...' And I did." and also "And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.' And by God I'm gonna do it." This reminds me of the time Jesus told Deion Sanders he didn't have to pay his car repair bill.

But now, I'm confused. According to the Westboro Baptist Church, of Topeka, Kansas, God is punishing American for it's role in the Iraq war, and because America is "gay-friendly." According to the WBC, God is punishing our soliders, with things like suicide bombers, as well as the two recent hurricans, the WTO bombings and the tsunami (which didn't actually hit America, but ok, whatever), mainly because America harbors gays, but also for going to war.

Quotes from their website: "Pray for more dead bodies floating in the fag-semen-rancid waters of New Orleans." and "Pray for more American bodies blown to smithereens by cheap home made Iraqi [bombs]."

So then my question is, what is God's angle here? Is he playing both sides? He tells Bush to go to war, and then turns around and punishes America for it? What's God up to?

However, the Westboro Baptist church may sound crazy, but on there website the claim "George W. Bus is God's curse on America." Ahh... finally something that makes sense.

Actually, I encourage everyone to write these WBC guys and tell them how incredibly wrong they are. Don't send them hate mail or anything like that, but maybe let them know that God doesn't hate fags, he hates, hate crimes. Also, don't let them know who you are, cause these people are fucking crazy.

Things I remember in late night TV from my childhood...

Do you remeber these commercials, I call it the "I learned it by watching you!" commercial. I don't remeber how long ago it came on, I guess it was late 80's or maybe early 90's. It had this guy, obviously the dad, busting into his sons room holding, what I think was a cigar box, or shoe box, or something like that. His son, looking like some punk kid, listening to head phones, laying on the bed, sits there stunned as his father grills him about the marijuana he has found in the box.

"Where did you get this?" he yells, "What are you doing with this? who taught you how to do this?" he says as he gets closer and leans in. The kid finally breaks down, and yells back "You! I learned it by watching you!" End scene.

Even at the age of eight, or how ever old I was when I first saw this, I thoguht this was hilarious. I can't even quite put it into words why I think this is so funny. Maybve it was the expression on the face of the kid, but I think I ust found this so absurd. The entire premise of this commercial, it still makes me laugh.

* * * * *

I also remember this show that came on after the the Late Show With David Letterman, The Late, Late show with Tom Snyder. Also known as the cure for insomnia. I don't remeber much about this show, I just remember it being so God-awful boring that I couldn't make it past the first five minutes. I don't why the hell I stayed up that late anyways.

Top 10 Things I Hate In Baseball:

Top 10 Things I Hate In Baseball:

10. Manny Ramirez's baggy pants.
9. The surplus in homeruns over the last few years.
8. The way teams don't "manufacture runs" anymore.
7. The fact that a players worth is measured primarily by power numbers, and seem to discount other important factors, such as fielding, clutch hitting, etc.*
6. John Hart, Rangers GM.
5. The Fact that the Rangers never make the effort to build a team, rather they are content at staying status quo, and hoping for a miracle.
4. Roger Clemens.
3. Alex Rodriguez, a.k.a. Ass-Rod.
2. Barry Bonds.
1. The Yankees, oh my, how I hate the Yankees.

* Note on #7:
This year's MVP seems like it may go to A-Rod. The other prime candidates that are getting mentioned are David Ortiz, and Manny Ramirez. But what really irks me is that neither Mark Teixeria or Michael Young have been mentioned. Let's consider the factors. Factor in clutch hitting: Young hits .376 with runner in scoring position, Texiera .361, Ortiz .350, and A-Rod .290. Runner in scoring position, two outs: A-Rod .302, Texiera .313, Ortiz .357, and Young... are you ready for this....458. It would seem as though Mike Young gets better, as the pressure gets tougher. And if you didn't know, he is set to win the AL batting championship.

You may have noticed that I didn't mention Manny's stats. That's because I think Manny is a joke to ever be considered as an MVP. The reason being, I think defense counts, and therefore Manny doesn't. And if you disagree, you think he's not a joke, then watch him field, you'll laugh your ass off. Since it's well known that Ortiz is a DH, young is better at short than A-Rod, A-Rod is still an above average fielder; I will only talk of Tex's fielding. Actually, I won't say much, just that, if he doesn't win the gold glove for 1st base, I will be very, very, surprised. He scoops everything... seriously, everything.

Maybe you might want to consider the nice guy factor. Young and Tex, if you don't know are genuiue class-acts. Nice guys all the way. I can't speak much for Ortiz, but seems okay. Manny, well, he's that good of a hitter, and his team tries desperately to trade him every year, what do you think. A-Rod on the other hand, and this is what really pisses me off, Ass-Rod, after being traded to the Yankees, bad mouthed Showalters managerial style, and then, in another interview bad-mouthed every single one of his ex-teammates. Of course after he left the Rangers played twice as good, with virtually the same talent on the team (see #5 on things I hate about baseball).

All things considered, I think David Ortiz should be this years AL MVP. I do hope that Texiera and Young can finish in the top 6 or so, they deserve at least that. If A-Rod wins it, well, that will be just one more thing to make me like baseball even less than I do know. A few years ago, I knew everything there was to know about baseball, literally, everything. But because of the previous ten things (as well as some things that didn't make the list, I have become increasingly less interested in baseball.

Oh well, basketball season is just around the corner..... Go Mavs!!!