Things that are Useless

1) Christmas lights - This is a good one to start this list with given the time of year. Personally, I have grown to detest Christmas lights. They serve little purpose and are a pain in the ass to put up. Recently, a couple of elderly women at my church asked for me and some of the youth to come by their houses and help hang lights (I like how they use the word "help", as if they're going to do anything). In exchange they would make a donation to the youth group, so we agreed. When we got to the first house we were lead into the garage to the pile of lights. And I do mean pile. I tried to lift one strand and the entire blob of a 1000+ bulbs lifted up underneath my hand. To make it worse these were the kind that are suppose to look like ice-cycles, with the stand of lights that hang down every six inches or so. I then spent the next 30 minutes unraveling the chaos. At the next house, we found the same blob of lights waiting for us in her garage as well, only about half as much. If I didn't know better I would have thought this was the younger brother of the previous monstrosity. We were then directed to the ladder, which looked as if were the grandfather of many younger ladders. It was an old, wooden, cranky, shaky, thing, and judging by it's looks, it may have even seen time in during the Second World War. The entire afternoon, stretching into the evening, was a complete mess, which adds to my distaste of Christmas lights.

2) Fireworks - This is even more useless than Christmas lights. I personally don't understand people's fascination with this. I have always, even when I was a kid found fireworks to be boring. However, it is completely different if I am setting the fireworks off myself. Blowing up stuff is cool, watching someone else blow stuff up a hundred feet in the air, not cool.

3) Pat Robertson - See my archive on this guy.

4) Happy Holidays - I don't mean the actual phrase is useless, but rather the debate that seems to be going on that people are opting to use this term, as well as Season's Greetings rather than saying Merry Christmas. The debate, as I understand it, is that some Christians seem to be offended that these terms are being used instead of Merry Christmas. As if there is a conspiracy to hide the fact that this holiday is all about Jesus. Of course this is absurd. In reality Happy Holidays means the exact same thing as Merry Christmas, unless of course, you're Jewish, then it means the same as Happy Hanukah. Happy Holidays is great because it is inclusive of anyone regardless of which holiday is being celebrated. Bill O'Reilly has been adamantly against the use of any phrase other than Merry Christmas, saying he finds it grossly offensive. And Bill O'Reilly is an idiot. The fact of the matter is, that the term Merry Christmas, has the potential to be more offensive, if it is said to someone who isn't Christian. But in reality, none of these phrases should be offensive to anyone, because what is important is the meaning behind the words. It is a greeting, and a blessing that is being said, and it's always nice to be blessed. So when someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukah, or a Jolly Quanza, or a Joyous Atheist Gift Exchange, or whatever else; remember, it's the thought that counts.