Mega-Quake hits downtown Fort Worth

Last night I visited a local tavern, and partook of some delicious beverages. As often happens when drinking beverages I eventually felt the need to relieve myself. I walked into the bathroom, which appeared to completely empty, and approached the faculties and began to expel any and all unwanted fluids. Just the a huge, thunderous sound erupted from behind me. As it reverberated of the tile walls the sound was so great (surely it would have scared the piss out of me had I not already begun that process), that I jumped back, and in the process soiling the wall, the floor, and a little bit of my shoe. As it turns out I wasn’t alone in the restroom. There was a man, and I can only assume he was a large man, sitting in the stall directly behind me, that I had failed to notice as I walked in. The sound in question, was in fact a fart. Quite possibly the biggest fart ever in Fort Worth, which would place it high in the running for biggest fart world wide. This spine-tingling expulsion of un-holy-ness (and I mean spine-tingling literally because the bass from the blast was enough to cause my vertebrae to vibrate), must have, no doubt registered at least a moderate rating on the Richter Scale. It was truly one of the most frightening sounds I have ever encountered, and I quickly left, because I did not want to discover what sort of odor occupancies a quake of that magnitude.