Birthday Stories

Early on in life, birthdays were somewhat traumatic for me. On my first birthday, I knew little of cake and I knew nothing of birthday candles or what purpose they were suppose to serve. As the cake was placed in front of me, larger than life, with it’s single dancing flame, I was so intrigued, I decided to reach out and grab it. I had little interest in the cake, or the party all together after that.

On my second birthday, I was a little better prepared. I already knew not to touch the fire, and I had been well coached that the candles must be blown out. People sung and the cake was brought. When the singing stopped I was instructed to blow of the candles. I stood up in my chair, to have a good vantage over the cake, took my deepest breath, and as I leaned in, so close that I was sure to fully extinguish the flames, my hair, which was of a haggy nature, hung clumsily down, and just barely, into the fire. My scream did, however, blow out the candles.

By my third birthday, I knew that fire was no joke. I had pleaded with my mom that candles wouldn’t be necessary, but she insisted and reassured me that I could do it this time. I just needed not to get so close. I was told that I could blow them out, without needing to lean in quite so close. I took her word on it and agreed, reluctantly to the candles. But when the cake came, with it’s three, bright-glowing, demons of fire, I made the choice to be safe rather than sorry. I blew with all my might, while leaning back as much as I could, with my head firmly planted against the back of the chair. They encouraged me to get closer, but I wasn’t buying it. Someone even tried to push my chair closer to help, but that just made me press myself harder in to the back of the chair. Finally, after several minutes of me blowing repeatedly, and refusing to get any closer to the cake, my father came over and blew the candles out himself. The cake was cut, and I was served my piece, and I was happy.

But on my fourth birthday, I had it down. I had been to other birthdays, and I had seen how it was suppose to be done and in one big sweeping wind, I exhausted the small army guarding my cake. I smile externally and internally as I ate, because I had finally won out over the enemy candles.

Quote of the day

“I guess he had too much Potato Salad yesterday.” -- Mavs Coach Avery Johnson, finding a reason for Desagana Diop poor performance Friday against Miami.

Here's a "Capital" idea

In the coming week the US will execute it’s 1000 prisoner since the death penalty was reestablished in 1977. And the debate rages on, as to whether or not we should continue to execute prisoners convicted of capital offenses.

Here are some facts on the death penalty:

- The US ranks 4th in the world for most executions, behind China, Iran, and Viet Nam (all of which are communist/dictatorship counties).

- The US executes more minors (under 18) than any other country in the world.

- Almost two-thirds of the rest of the world have abolished the death penalty in either law or practice (with some exceptions for war-time crimes).

- Texas executes more people than any other state. Harris County (Houston) executes more than any other county in the US.

- 12 US states have ended laws providing for the death penalty.

Arguments for the Death Penalty:
- It deters crime.
- It ensures that these people can never harm again.
- It is provided for in the bible.
- It provides justice to the family of victims.
- 68% of Americans approve of the death penalty in one capacity or another.


First of all, it is not a deterrent. In a recent report for the United Nations, surveys have shown that the threat of the death penalty does not deter persons any more that the threat of life imprisonment. And studies have shown, that in countries that have abolished the death penalty, there was not a rise in major crime. And, in fact, making adjustments in many other factors, such as education reform, or city beatification projects, have shown to have a greater impact on crime rates.

Yes, this does guarantee that they will never harm again, but so does a sentence of life in prison with possibility of parole. And what if they’re really innocent? Since 1973, 121 prisoners have been released after DNA test were able to prove their innocence. There has not yet been a documented case where the US did execute an innocent person, but with the number of people that have been released, some just days before execution, it’s asinine to assume that an innocent person has never been executed.

The Old Testament of the bible does condone use of the death penalty in a few place, “eye for eye, tooth for tooth”, for example. However, anyone who would actually use this argument is completely ignorant of the teachings of any major religion. Religions teach compassion and forgiveness, and though we must be able to protect ourselves by locking up criminals, we must likewise have compassion for the sanctity of their life, even if they would not have compassion toward us.

But, it does give a sense of justice served for the families of the victims. This is very true, many have said they wanted justice, or that they felt justice had been served, toward their respective family members. But a mistake is being made in assuming that revenge is justice. Revenge is not justice. And this concept has been taught by Jesus, Moses, Mohammad, Gandhi, Buddha, and many other important people. I mention these people, because there is no debating that our country is one that is very moral, and spiritual, and religious, and many of these figures provide the cornerstone for what are morals are based upon. So, if we are to assert that we are a moral nation, and if we want to distance ourselves from nations, which we often view as being immoral, such as China, Iran, and Viet Nam, then we should make a move to join the rest of the civilized world and end the death penalty.

However, 68% of Americans do support some form of the death penalty remaining in existence, and as we know, America is the greatest country ever (sarcasm), so maybe we should keep it around. At one time the majority of American approved of slavery, but that didn’t make it right. In the mid-1940‘s, the majority of Americans approved us putting the Japanese in internment camps, but that didn’t make it right. Just because the majority of people feel a certain way, doesn’t mean they are right. That is the beauty of our constitution, is it is designed with a concept called “majority rule, minority rights”. Even today, the majority of Americans think that most or all of the immigrants in the US should be deported, but again, that doesn’t make it right (I have some really good ideas and solutions to our illegal immigration problems, but that will come in a later essay).

There are a number of other arguments against capital punishment that I am not, yet, going to take the space to cover, but I hope a time comes soon, that our country can take a moral step forward, and end the death penalty.

"Hairless Christians"

An excerpt from Life of Pi.

I know a woman here in Toronto who is very dear to my heart…. Though she has lived in Toronto for over thirty years, her French-speaking mind still slips on occasion on the understanding of English sounds. And so, when she first heard of Hare Krishnas, she didn’t hear right. She heard “Hairless Christians”, and that is what they were to her for many years. When I corrected her, I told her that in fact she was not wrong; that Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God, are hat-wearing Muslims.

This is a waste of tax-payer money

ANAHEIM, Calif. -
President Bush is set to make the traditional pardon of a Thanksgiving turkey today. But this bird isn't heading to some petting zoo. It's going to Disneyland.

The 35-pound Tom Turkey will be grand marshall of the Disneyland Thanksgiving Day parade.

And the big bird is flying west in style. After the reprieve on the White House lawn, the turkey and it's alternate will be given a police escort to a Washington-area airport.

From there they'll fly first-class to Los Angeles. After the parade duties are over, the turkeys will live out their days at a Disneyland ranch.


Crap like this pisses me off. That turkey is flying first class to Disneyland for Thanksgiving, while there will be homeless people, just as ugly as this turkey, starving on the streets for thanksgiving. If I were President, I would end the tradition of pardoning a turkey, and instead I would cook it up and feed it to the homeless. Because that makes more sense.

Conversation of the Day

Old guy: “Where did you say you were from?”

Fat guy: “Mansfield.”

Old guy: “Is that new?”

Fat guy: “Mansfield? No.”

Old guy: “Oh. What’s that place down there? It’s been there for years?”

Fat guy: “Lee’s?”

Old guy: “No.”


This conversation took place between two guys who may have had no idea what they were talking about. The old man asked if Mansfield was new, as if he had never heard of it, and then preceded to ask about a business, probably a restaurant, in Mansfield. It should be pointed out, that Mansfield, Texas is over 100 years old, and has a population of over 50,000 people. Also, there is no business named Lee’s anywhere in Mansfield.

Aunt Tim

My mother has an aunt, my great-aunt, that lives in a small town in western Oklahoma. Occasionally, my mother goes to visit her Aunt Tim (no one knows why she is named Tim, but she doesn’t seem to realize it’s a strange name for a woman). Generally we dislike making this trip, as it is long, boring, un-scenic, and once we arrive, there is still nothing to do. The small town she lives in has but one restaurant, and if you don’t make it by sun-down, then it may be closed. As a matter of fact, the whole town pretty much closes at 5:00pm. The only thing there is to do, is to make the 45 minute trek to the nearest decent size town, Elk City. And in case you were wondering, any place, where you look forward to going to a town named Elk City, must suck.

On my mother’s most recent trip, Aunt Tim scheduled a doctor’s appointment in Elk City (which was probably overdue), because she needed my mom to drive her. Aunt Tim is a tiny, 88 year old, 4’10” woman, who can barley see and barley hear. Yet she will drive herself around town, in her over sized Lincoln Continental. Fortunately, she knows not to try and drive herself across any great distances, or to travel at highway speeds.

On a doctor visit like this, my mom serves the roll of interpreter. The doctor, or nurse, or whoever, will speak to my great-aunt, and then she will look at my mother and wait for my mother to repeat, sometimes word for word, what was said so that Aunt Tim can understand it. After they enter the doctor‘s office, the receptionist gives them the standard forms to be filled out and tells Aunt Tim she will need to provide her insurance card after filling out the form. After they take a seat in the waiting room, and mother starts filling out the form, Aunt Tim turns to her and says, “What did she say?” My mom explains to her that she will need to show her insurance card.
“Oh,” says Aunt Tim, “I can never understand those people. The Mexicans.”

My mom, flushed face, sinks down in her chair, as this was said loud enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear. Not to mention that the receptionist was not Mexican, but white.

Later in the doctor’s office, the nurse says something, which my mother then has to translate, and while the nurse is still in the room, Aunt Tim says, “I can’t understand her, she must be speaking Spanish.” The nurse, like the receptionist, was also white, and definitely not speaking Spanish.

Finally, the doctor came and check her out. And it was a long ordeal, since me mother had to translate virtually everything the doctor said. When the doctor left, and they were preparing to go, Aunt Tim says, “He had a funny accent too. Too many foreigners.” Needless to say, he did not have a funny accent, nor was he a foreigner. I am starting to suspect that my Aunt Tim may be a racist. And now that I think about it, she did once refer to Oklahoma City as “Nigger Town”, and she once warned us not to go to Love’s gas stations, because “that’s where the hoodlums and blacks hang out.”

It also, makes no sense to us why she can apparently hear my mom, but can’t hear anyone else. But despite her little quirks (like racism) she is, for the most part, a sweet old lady.

Do you think the 'End Times' are near?

Do you thing the 'End Times' are near? This is what I was asked today. I did my best to contain my laughter, because it was my boss who was asking me. And I like my boss, she's a nice lady, ultra-conservative, but still nice. My reply was simply "No, not anytime soon."

She cited that what the bible says about the Armageddon, that there will be an increase in frequency of natural disasters, wars, famine, and other bad things just before the end of the world. But, there has always been earthquakes, and hurricanes, and many more destructive than what has been seen recently. Many, that are likely to not even be recorded. Wars have always been prevalent. Since the beginning of recorded history there has been war. Famine has been less documented, but one can easily assume that poverty has been as bad, if not worse in the past than it is now, because in more recent decades we’ve become more aware about using taxation to spread the wealth. She then cited how homosexuality has become so widely accepted, as being evidence that the end of time is near. Like I said, I do enjoy working for her, so rather than start a fight, I kept my mouth shut.

But here, with the safeguard of anonymity, I can express my thoughts on the subject. Homosexuality has always been excepted in various societies, such as the ancient Greeks. Likewise, there have always been societies that condemn such behavior. Of course the spread of Christianity had snuffed out homosexuality briefly, and my boss is right that it is more widely accepted than it was 100 years ago.

But why has it become more widely accepted? Despite what some Fundamental Christians would have you believe, Christianity has not become a minority religion, Christians are not being persecuted for their beliefs, and most of our lawmakers are still Christians. The reason is not the lack of Christianity, but rather the reason is that we are better interpreting the traditional Christian beliefs. And by traditional Christian beliefs, I mean the concepts that are the cornerstone of what Christians believe. Things like “love one another,” and “treat others have you would like to be treated.” Furthermore, we have evolved into a wiser, and more logically thinking society. So when we apply the values, and we ask ourselves “Who does this really hurt?” then we arrive at the conclusion that we must accept these actions, because after all, acceptance and tolerance is the ‘Christian Way’ to behave.

Another reason that homosexuality has become more accepted in our society is because we have a governmental system that mandates a separation between church and state. Not only does this mean that we can make laws concerning organized religion, but it also means we can’t make laws on the premise of moral objection. The fundamentals of our government system is rooted in the Socratic philosophies, which are based on reasoning and logic. Thus laws concerning homosexuals have become more lax recently because we are evolving as a government, and realizing that laws must be based on logic and reasoning rather than moral outrage.

Of course when I say “we”, I am really referring to the more liberal thinkers in our society. Because it is obvious that not all of us have evolved morally. There are a vast many that still hold some sort of irrational moral outrage to homosexuality, and it is unfortunate that we do live in a discriminating society.

Back to the original question: Do I think that the End of the world is coming? No, but if it is, it would happen with a Republican in office.

Pat Robertson, you're an asshole

Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck. -- "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city," -- Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The 700 Club.


And here are some other brilliant quotes from Pat Robertson over the years:


"We have a court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye and said we're going to legislate you out of the schools. We're going to take your commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states. We're not going to let little children read the commandments of God. We're not going to let the Bible be read, no prayer in our schools. We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And then we say, "Why does this happen?" Well, why it's happening is that God Almighty is lifting his protection from us." -- Pat Robertson, explaining on his 700 Club cable TV program why the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, had occurred two days earlier

"But I want to say as surely as I am sitting here today, this is only a foretaste, a little warning, of what is going to happen." -- Pat Robertson, remarking on the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, even after receiving a personal rebuke from the President, quoted from Dick Meyer, "Holy Smoke," CBS News (September 15, 2001)

"God's pattern is for men to be the leaders, both in the church and in the family... "Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority over them." -- Pat Robertson, reciting a passage from I Timothy in his book, Bring It On, quoted from Nicholas D. Kristof, "Peter, Paul, Mary ... and God" (The New York Times: February 28, 2004)

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992

"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." -- Pat Robertson, "The 700 Club," 1/8/92

"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 14, 1991

"I am bound by the laws of the United States and all 50 states...I am not bound by any case or any court to which I myself am not a party...I don't think the Congress of the United States is subservient to the courts...They can ignore a Supreme Court ruling if they so choose." -- Pat Robertson, Washington Post, June 27,1986)

"There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution. It is a lie of the Left and we are not going to take it anymore." -- Pat Robertson, November 1993 during an address to the American Center for Law and Justice

"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals--the two things seem to go together." -- Pat Robertson, "The 700 Club," 1/21/93

"It is interesting, that termites don't build things, and the great builders of our nation almost to a man have been Christians, because Christians have the desire to build something. He is motivated by love of man and God, so he builds. The people who have come into (our) institutions (today) are primarily termites. They are into destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have.... The termites are in charge now, and that is not the way it ought to be, and the time has arrived for a godly fumigation." -- Pat Robertson, New York Magazine, August 18, 1986

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." -- Pat Robertson, 1993 interview with Molly Ivins

"I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television program, August 6, 1998, on the occasion of the Orlando, Florida, Gay Pride Festival 1998

"To see Americans become followers of Islam is nothing short of insanity.... The Islamic people, the Arabs, were the ones who captured Africans, put them in slavery, and sent them to America as slaves. Why would the people in America want to embrace the religion of slavers." -- Pat Robertson, quoted from the American Muslim Council press release

"The mission of the Christian Coalition is simple," says Pat Robertson. It is "to mobilize Christians -- one precinct at a time, one community at a time -- until once again we are the head and not the tail, and at the top rather than the bottom of our political system." Robertson predicts that "the Christian Coalition will be the most powerful political force in America by the end of this decade." And, "We have enough votes to run this country...and when the people say, 'We've had enough,' we're going to take over!" -- Pat Robertson

Worst gift ever

I was reminded today of the worst gift I ever received. I dated a girl in high school, who repeatedly gave horrible gifts. For my 18th birthday she bought me a ticket to a Ranger game. A ticket, just one! I like baseball, and I enjoy going to games, but why would I go to a game by myself? How boring would that be? I don't go to movies by myself, I do go out to eat by myself, why would I go to a game by myself? She liked baseball, why didn't she buy two tickets? I had to use the ticket, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tell her how lousy this gift was. I know it's the thought that counts, but does that really apply when the thought is stupid? I ended up telling her I was going to the game, then I just sat at home and watch it on TV. I went by her house after the game was over and she said "Hey, I think I saw you on TV, at the game." I maintained my composer, and didn't laugh in her face.

If the Klan supports it, then I don't

On Saturday the Ku Klux Klan held a rally in Austin supporting proposition 2, which would ban gay marriage in Texas. Gay rights organizations also held a rally to vote against proposition 2. Back in the 70’s when the KKK would hold a rally, the Black Panthers would hold one the same day, and both organizations would march through the streets. On a number of occasions riots would break out, or at the very least, a slue of racial slurs would fill the air. This past Saturday in Austin however, lacked some of the drama of past KKK rallies. The KKK now are a more peaceful organization, and the gays, well, gays can’t really fight. There was one incident that did occur though. Darrin Walker, a homosexual native of Dallas, approached a member of the KKK and slapped him once across the face. Walker then said to the man, “I should slap you again for wearing those shoes with that outfit. Not to mention, hoods are so 1972. You really should update, maybe a cowboy hat, they’re totally in style now.” The two men were then scene going to the mall together, where Walker will help the Klan member with a new outfit.

On a side note, FOX has said they are creating a new reality show called “Queer eye for the Ku Klux Klan guy.” It is schedule to premier next fall.

The God of Fashion

Shame on the media. Shame, shame. Do not trivialize how important it is to look good while on TV. The media is ripping apart former head of FEMA, Michael Brown for emails and comments that reveal he may have been more concerned with his wardrobe than saving lives in New Orleans. If Michael Brown showed up to an awards ceremony and wasn’t dressed well then the media would have ridiculed him, but if he is concerned about looking good in Louisiana… well, we should crucify him. The media in this country needs to make up their minds. Shouldn’t people try to look good anytime they are on camera? Besides, do we really want Michael Brown trying to help people, I mean, the man is incompetent. At least he cared about looking good, while some of the evacuees that were interviewed, clearly had no concern for looking good on camera. These are the people that should be ridiculed, not Michael Brown, because his priorities are in the right place, the evacuees priorities, clearly were not.

"My eyes must certainly be deceiving me. You look fabulous — and I'm not talking the makeup," writes Cindy Taylor, FEMA's deputy director of public affairs to Brown on 7:10 a.m. local time on Aug. 29.

"I got it at Nordstroms," Brown writes back. "Are you proud of me? Can I quit now? Can I go home?" An hour later, Brown adds: "If you'll look at my lovely FEMA attire, you'll really vomit. I am a fashion god."

Will Texas ban marriage?

Proposition 2, maybe you've heard of it, will be voted on Nov. 8th, and if ratified by the citizens of Texas, there will be a new Texas Constitutional Amendment concerning the definition of marriage.

"The constitutional amendment providing that marriage in this state consists only of the union of one man and one woman and prohibiting this state or a political subdivision of this state from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

There are two issues raised by this. For starters there is the phrase "consists only of the union of one man and one woman," this is troublesome for the obvious civil rights violation, as well, it is a violation of the "anti-establishment clause" of the US constitution. But, I'll put those easily made arguments on hold for now, because the other interesting thing about the wording of the proposed amendment is "prohibiting this state... from creating or recognizing any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

So this amendment defines what a marriage is, between a man and woman, and then goes on to say that a marriage will have no legal status. Truly unprecedented. So the real question here is, was this an accident on the part of state legislators? Surely someone would have noticed that marriages, including their own marriages would no longer hold any legal standing. Or was this on purpose? Perhaps, Texas legislators are ingenious. They have tried to create an amendment that would make all things equal concerning marriage, and knowing that Texas is mostly made up of redneck morons, who only read the paper if its talking about NASCAR or high school football, and would therefore support the new amendment because, on the surface it appeared to be "anti-homo."

So are Texas Legislators geniuses or idiots? Will the people of Texas vote to make marriage obsolete? Tune in Nov. 8th to find out who the real idiots are.

I love basketball

As I sit here watching the first game on TNT, but anxiously waiting for the second game to start (Maverick @Suns), I fill compelled to jot down a few things I am looking forward too, or not looking forward too, as the case may be.

- Who will be the first to break the new dress code rule? Some say Iverson, but I think he is too much of a coward, the kind of guy that's all talk. A friend of mine suggested it would be Tim Duncan, who has come out against the new code. This is interesting, because I'm sure that commissioner David Stern must love Duncan. He is not only a great player, but he's intelligent, and kind, and is the poster child for everything that's good about the NBA. As oppose the that thug Artest, or butt-raping Kobe.

- Watching Eddie Najara stay healthy for a full season, and playing on a team that will appreciate him. You seriously have to like the guy.

- Lebron officially becomes the next Michael Jordan. He has all the talent, and all the class, he just needs a ring. Actually, I have Cleveland picked to lose to Miami in the Eastern Conference Finals. But, barring injury, I think Cleveland is one good trade away from making to the finals.

- Antoine Walker's sour attitude, and constant underacheiving, will get him traded from the best team in the East. If Miami doesn't trade him then Cleveland will be playing Detroit in the Eastern Conference Finals.

- The Mavs: Dirk finishes 2nd for MVP, behind Lebron. Marquis Daniels wins 6th Man of the Year, because Stackhouse won't stay healthy. Josh Howard makes First Team all Defense. Avery Johnson finishes second in Coach of the Year voting behind Mike Brown of Cleveland (I don't really love Cleveland that much, but I am just predicting a break out season for everyone there).

- I've noticed that Marv Albert wears the same shade of lipstick as Alex Rodriguez. Weird.

- (I'm not looking forward to this) Sadly the Spurs will win yet another NBA title.

- (also not looking forward to) NBA on TNT. There coverage is really inferior. And I hate Charles Barkley.

- I love to watch Earl Boykins, that guy is like a quick little mouse, scurrying about.

- Despite the awful coverage by TNT, I do like the bit they do with Ali G when they go to commercial breaks.

- Over the off-season Marquis Daniels got a new tattoo on his back (he has like 18) in the shape of Florida, so that when he is playing he knows that "Florida's got his back." I can't wait to see that tattoo.